Thursday, January 31, 2008
Ron Paul. Make sure to vote on Super Tuesday.
This man makes sense.
Ron Paul at the latest debate available on YouTube, January 24th in Florida.
The two videos above are Ron Paul on gay issues. I agree with him 100%
Also, if you're interested, Ron Paul has a very solid Mormon following because his views line up very well with what most prophets have said about the role of government. Especially David O McKay and Ezra Taft Benson. Also see the work of Cleon Skousen, an LDS scholar who wrote and lectured about the role of government and visit mormonsforronpaul.com.
This is why my family is supporting Ron Paul. But its not to say that the church is endorsing any one candidate over the other, because it never does. The church expects you to get informed and make that decision on your own.
Lastly, there will be a Honk and Wave rally hosted by the Utah County Ron Paul Meetup Group at the intersection of University Parkway and State Street on February 4th, the night before Utahns go to the polls on Super Tuesday. If you like this candidate, come help wave signs, pass out literature and get the word out for him. And talk to your friends and neighbors.
Monday, January 28, 2008
President Hinckley
I've meant to say something since about 8:30 Sunday night about President Hinckley's passing. It caught me off guard, though I can't say it was completely unexpected. I'm very saddened by it.
President Hinckley was such a voice of reason in the church. I saw him put crowds of tens of thousands at ease. I saw him make all those people yearn to be better. He filled them with love. He filled me with love.
He had been the prophet through most of my spiritually conscious life; when I resented the church, feared the church, loved the church, put my hopes in the church, and then most recently sort of passively drifted away from the church...floating alongside somewhere. He was always there, but even when I took issue with the church and the messes it seemed to make of peoples' lives sometimes, I always loved Gordon B. Hinckley and still do.
He was a man of integrity, and not just in the way that politicians throw that word around. He knew what integrity was and lived it.
He knew how to enjoy life. He was wise and funny. He knew how to live and he knew all those little secrets about how to treat his fellow man.
I always thought of him as this sort of Yoda for the church, steadily hobbling along full of purpose with that little cane of his. He was a constant like the north star he always talked about, and he always stepped in at just the right moment, when it was needed the most, with something profound and stirring and loving and true.
The world has lost a spiritual giant.
President Hinckley was such a voice of reason in the church. I saw him put crowds of tens of thousands at ease. I saw him make all those people yearn to be better. He filled them with love. He filled me with love.
He had been the prophet through most of my spiritually conscious life; when I resented the church, feared the church, loved the church, put my hopes in the church, and then most recently sort of passively drifted away from the church...floating alongside somewhere. He was always there, but even when I took issue with the church and the messes it seemed to make of peoples' lives sometimes, I always loved Gordon B. Hinckley and still do.
He was a man of integrity, and not just in the way that politicians throw that word around. He knew what integrity was and lived it.
He knew how to enjoy life. He was wise and funny. He knew how to live and he knew all those little secrets about how to treat his fellow man.
I always thought of him as this sort of Yoda for the church, steadily hobbling along full of purpose with that little cane of his. He was a constant like the north star he always talked about, and he always stepped in at just the right moment, when it was needed the most, with something profound and stirring and loving and true.
The world has lost a spiritual giant.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
This post doesn't really have a lot of substance, so you're allowed to skip it.
When I got in my car this morning, it wouldn't start.
I love my old beamer, but one of its flaws is that is has this fuel pump switch that you turn on from the inside before you turn on the ignition. It's meant to be some sort of drag racing feature, I guess so that you can kill the engine in the event that the brakes won't work or the gas pedal sticks or for whatever reason. The guy who owned the car before me was a mechanic who tinkered with things a little, and this is just one of several quirks.
So at any rate, I'm always leaving this fuel pump switch on. It's silent, so I don't ever realize that I've neglected it, but it drains my battery, so that when I leave it on for a few hours or overnight, the car won't start the next time I want to drive it. It frustrates me like nothing else. I've become a pro at quickly and repeatedly jumping my car battery.
So I realized this morning that I had left the damn fuel pump switch on overnight. That, right there, fouled up my mood for most of the day. As fast as I've gotten with jumper cables lately, I only had about ten minutes before I was supposed to be at work which really wasn't enough time to move my brother in law's truck, jump the car, and get everything back in place before taking off. So my sister just gave me a ride to work. I was pretty grumpy, though I tried not to take that out on her.
I was relieved to make it to work on time. I've been late a lot recently and I'm trying to redeem myself. Unfortunately, just as the relief was kicking in, my boss informed me that the employee fridge/freezer had died overnight and that my job for the morning was going to be cleaning that out. Most mornings this would be no problem; I'm no stranger to dirty jobs. But it wasn't what I wanted to hear upon arrival at work today
The one good thing about this task was that I wouldn't have to talk to anyone else for a good few hours...
Jon wanted to go to lunch today. I did not feel like going to lunch or seeing Jon, just because I was in such a pissed off mood and because I looked like crap. I hadn't shaved, I still need a haircut, I have this disgusting and persistent breakout right now on my face, and to top it all off I smelled like the inside of a dairy fridge (my next project after cleaning the employee fridge was pricing milk and butter)
I just felt like hell. And I looked like hell, and that made me feel even more like hell. I wanted to come up with some BS reason for why I didn't want to go, but couldn't think about one that wasn't just an outright lie (I did consider lying...) that Jon wouldn't shoot down. So I bucked up and went to lunch. I figure if I'm going to be in any type of serious relationship with anyone, they're going to have to see me on days like this so they can get a feel for what a complete mess I can be.
I didn't say anything to Jon about my ill state when he picked me up. I just tried to make small talk and make the best of our thirty minutes. We went to Quizno's. The line was long. I spent like 10 bucks because when I have feelings I eat them -- giant sandwich, bag of sunchips, apple juice, double chocolate chip cookie. Some of you anorexic people who do the opposite need to tell me how you swing that. I didn't end up eating a lot (although I assure you I would have given the chance) because by the time we got our food my break was about up.
Jon gained some major points for still being excited to see me and/or be around me when I'm like this. Nothing was said about it, though I felt extremely self-conscious and just outright embarrassed. Jon looked and smelled great (he always does) was clean shaven, and though tired, wasn't in a bad mood at all.
So he passed what in my mind was a good test. Worse is yet to come, I'm sure, but he's doing good.
I still need a little boost of self-esteem though sometime soon. I need to actually start running for this half marathon thing in March. I haven't exercised in weeks and maybe that will make me feel better. Now I'm just rambling. Nay-nay to rambling. I'm done.
I love my old beamer, but one of its flaws is that is has this fuel pump switch that you turn on from the inside before you turn on the ignition. It's meant to be some sort of drag racing feature, I guess so that you can kill the engine in the event that the brakes won't work or the gas pedal sticks or for whatever reason. The guy who owned the car before me was a mechanic who tinkered with things a little, and this is just one of several quirks.
So at any rate, I'm always leaving this fuel pump switch on. It's silent, so I don't ever realize that I've neglected it, but it drains my battery, so that when I leave it on for a few hours or overnight, the car won't start the next time I want to drive it. It frustrates me like nothing else. I've become a pro at quickly and repeatedly jumping my car battery.
So I realized this morning that I had left the damn fuel pump switch on overnight. That, right there, fouled up my mood for most of the day. As fast as I've gotten with jumper cables lately, I only had about ten minutes before I was supposed to be at work which really wasn't enough time to move my brother in law's truck, jump the car, and get everything back in place before taking off. So my sister just gave me a ride to work. I was pretty grumpy, though I tried not to take that out on her.
I was relieved to make it to work on time. I've been late a lot recently and I'm trying to redeem myself. Unfortunately, just as the relief was kicking in, my boss informed me that the employee fridge/freezer had died overnight and that my job for the morning was going to be cleaning that out. Most mornings this would be no problem; I'm no stranger to dirty jobs. But it wasn't what I wanted to hear upon arrival at work today
The one good thing about this task was that I wouldn't have to talk to anyone else for a good few hours...
Jon wanted to go to lunch today. I did not feel like going to lunch or seeing Jon, just because I was in such a pissed off mood and because I looked like crap. I hadn't shaved, I still need a haircut, I have this disgusting and persistent breakout right now on my face, and to top it all off I smelled like the inside of a dairy fridge (my next project after cleaning the employee fridge was pricing milk and butter)
I just felt like hell. And I looked like hell, and that made me feel even more like hell. I wanted to come up with some BS reason for why I didn't want to go, but couldn't think about one that wasn't just an outright lie (I did consider lying...) that Jon wouldn't shoot down. So I bucked up and went to lunch. I figure if I'm going to be in any type of serious relationship with anyone, they're going to have to see me on days like this so they can get a feel for what a complete mess I can be.
I didn't say anything to Jon about my ill state when he picked me up. I just tried to make small talk and make the best of our thirty minutes. We went to Quizno's. The line was long. I spent like 10 bucks because when I have feelings I eat them -- giant sandwich, bag of sunchips, apple juice, double chocolate chip cookie. Some of you anorexic people who do the opposite need to tell me how you swing that. I didn't end up eating a lot (although I assure you I would have given the chance) because by the time we got our food my break was about up.
Jon gained some major points for still being excited to see me and/or be around me when I'm like this. Nothing was said about it, though I felt extremely self-conscious and just outright embarrassed. Jon looked and smelled great (he always does) was clean shaven, and though tired, wasn't in a bad mood at all.
So he passed what in my mind was a good test. Worse is yet to come, I'm sure, but he's doing good.
I still need a little boost of self-esteem though sometime soon. I need to actually start running for this half marathon thing in March. I haven't exercised in weeks and maybe that will make me feel better. Now I'm just rambling. Nay-nay to rambling. I'm done.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Sunday, January 06, 2008
Libido
It doesn't go away even when you're going out with someone. I thought maybe it would...
See, there's this part of me that I don't like to talk about much. A part that does really stupid things now and then. A part that wakes up somewhere he really shouldn't be at some Godless hour in the morning covered in God knows what, God knows where. He showers and goes home, wherever that is, usually listening to some music to try to cover up whatever emotion he is feeling inside. This part of me came to full actualization sometime around 15 or 16 years old.
This sick, nasty part of me is what makes me feel terrible. It's what gives me this constant need for repentance. It makes me say prayers and make promises and plead and beg and want to die.
So, I thought, "I should have a boyfriend." A legitimate sort of person to person connection that's not all gross and weird and maybe the gross weird part of me will go away...because I don't feel bad about holding a boys hand when I really like him or kissing him or really doing anything with a boy when it just happens because we like each other very much.
And I've got enough guts to handle being in a gay relationship. I can make that identity mine and make it work.
And so I've been dating a boy.
And the gross part of me did go away for a while. Its so nice to just focus on someone you're falling for when the feelings are reciprocated.
But I'm realizing now that I still have those sick urges. That maybe I'm really screwed up in the head.
The boy I've been dating lately is gorgeous. He's supermodel hot. He has these amazing angel eyes with long dark lashes. I'm big on eyes. He's relatively normal acting in public (which is a big find in the gay dating pool!) but just quirky enough that we can have sneaky inside jokes and be cute with each other. I always feel so lucky that he's even into me. I feel like the ugly end of the stick in this relationship, but he says he likes me and I'm doing my best to own that.
I've basically got what I wanted. I've even got what I want in abundance as the dating pool has opened up a lot of really attractive opportunities, though he who is mentioned above is the best one I think.
And even when I've already got the most beautiful boy in the world, this very dirty, weird Pinetree is still lurking in the shadows, willing to go off and do something bizarre and irrational with someone much less attractive.
Why!?!?
If I was a character from Heroes, I would be Niki for sure.
P.S. - I love this song:
The Kooks - She Moves In Her Own Way.
See, there's this part of me that I don't like to talk about much. A part that does really stupid things now and then. A part that wakes up somewhere he really shouldn't be at some Godless hour in the morning covered in God knows what, God knows where. He showers and goes home, wherever that is, usually listening to some music to try to cover up whatever emotion he is feeling inside. This part of me came to full actualization sometime around 15 or 16 years old.
This sick, nasty part of me is what makes me feel terrible. It's what gives me this constant need for repentance. It makes me say prayers and make promises and plead and beg and want to die.
So, I thought, "I should have a boyfriend." A legitimate sort of person to person connection that's not all gross and weird and maybe the gross weird part of me will go away...because I don't feel bad about holding a boys hand when I really like him or kissing him or really doing anything with a boy when it just happens because we like each other very much.
And I've got enough guts to handle being in a gay relationship. I can make that identity mine and make it work.
And so I've been dating a boy.
And the gross part of me did go away for a while. Its so nice to just focus on someone you're falling for when the feelings are reciprocated.
But I'm realizing now that I still have those sick urges. That maybe I'm really screwed up in the head.
The boy I've been dating lately is gorgeous. He's supermodel hot. He has these amazing angel eyes with long dark lashes. I'm big on eyes. He's relatively normal acting in public (which is a big find in the gay dating pool!) but just quirky enough that we can have sneaky inside jokes and be cute with each other. I always feel so lucky that he's even into me. I feel like the ugly end of the stick in this relationship, but he says he likes me and I'm doing my best to own that.
I've basically got what I wanted. I've even got what I want in abundance as the dating pool has opened up a lot of really attractive opportunities, though he who is mentioned above is the best one I think.
And even when I've already got the most beautiful boy in the world, this very dirty, weird Pinetree is still lurking in the shadows, willing to go off and do something bizarre and irrational with someone much less attractive.
Why!?!?
If I was a character from Heroes, I would be Niki for sure.
P.S. - I love this song:
The Kooks - She Moves In Her Own Way.
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Wasted
Smurf got shot down by a girl tonight, so we bought root beer float stuff and got Mormon drunk. Then we talked a lot. That is all.
Tomorrow we're both going to UVSC, where things are going to be better for both of us. And for Gypsykid too.
Tomorrow we're both going to UVSC, where things are going to be better for both of us. And for Gypsykid too.
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Pinetree Pizza Boy
I've settled into a couple of new jobs. I work at a natural foods health store by day and deliver pizza at night. I'm all about sneaky double lives.
The Good Earth job is sort of tedious and boring sometimes, but its easy and I get a steady paycheck. For the first few weeks I worked the register, and that was terrible because you get a lot of mean old ladies and picky snobby people.
Quick sidenote to anyone who reads this blog, especially old ladies and those who are very particular: (now that I think of it, I'm probably just preaching to the choir....but I'll carry on) Think about yourselves in another person's shoes before you actually interact with them. So many of life's little problems would be solved if we could manage to implement the Golden Rule even with those who we think are of minimal of importance... like grocery store clerks and pizza boys.
So as I was saying, I worked the register but then quickly asked if I could learn to do some of the other things at the store. More recently, I've been able to avoid customers. I'm generally scheduled as an MPP (multi-purpose person) and I stock, price, clean, and lift heavy objects.
The pizza delivery job is perhaps one of the funnest I've ever had. In fact, I count the minutes at the Good Earth until I get to deliver pizza. I just drive all over Orem and Lindon all night on little missions. I eat as much pizza as I want. People are almost always happy to see me when I show up and they even tip me for it. I love this job!
Another great thing about the pizza job is the people. You know how at most jobs you get someone who thinks they are really important? Well, no one working at a pizza franchise thinks they are important. Consequently, everyone gets along great.
Perhaps the only downside to this job is having to wear a bright yellow shirt that makes me look like I have jaundice, but I cover it up with a jacket or pullover at night because its freezing and just wear my Papa John's hat and some khakis and big snowboots aside from that.
Anyhow, hella fun that job is.
In other news, I'm dating a boy. This is the first time I've really allowed that to happen, officially. But he's kind and smart and ridiculously good looking and I'm very tired with the church lately. I feel very let down by it (albeit not very let down by God, really) and very happy about him and just normal guilt-free being with someone in general. We'll see where this goes. It may be a temporary or permanent change for me. There's really a lot to say about all this, but I'll save it unless you ask.
I'm so excited for Christmas! I'll list here what I've gotten for all of my family because I'm pretty stoked about all of it and I haven't been telling them of course so it will be a surprise. I love getting presents for people. I wish we had Christmas more often. You'd be excited for these presents too if you knew my family:
Oldest sister, Amy: Mix cd. She keeps a list of songs that she likes from the radio on the refrigerator door and I burned them all onto a cd for her
Older sister, Lois: Gluten free brownie mixes and several pairs of really cool socks to go with these old Mary Jane shoes that she loves.
Older brother, John: Awake (Live's greatest hits) and a Kalai cd.
Younger brother, Alex: Two memory cards for his camera while he's on his mission in Germany. I actually sent these to him a while ago.
Younger sister, Lyndee: Lip gloss and body butter from the body shop as well as a fat gift card from there. I also got her a book to go along with it that has makeup tips and general how to's of beauty stuff in it. She's 17 in February. I'm not sure if the book will be taken as useful or offensive, but she should really love the other stuff at least.
Brother in law, Jared: BBC Wild Planet series. I love this show and he's always watching PBS specials while he bounces kids on his knee or whatever, so I figure he will like this.
Niece Krista, 7: High School Musical shoes.
Niece Kylie, 4: Disney Princess Calendar
Niece April, 8 months: Product red onesy (sp?) that says "Ado(RED)" because she really is.
Dad: A shirt.
Mom: A top.
I actually have a couple of other things in the works for my Mom and Dad that would have been way cooler, but didn't have time to finish them so I settled with clothes which they both actually could use I think. When I get these projects done though, I think they are going to blow my parents away.
I'm yawning now. I work tomorrow, and there's a lot I want to get done, so I'm going to call it quits for the night.
If I don't see you soon or write anything else on here, Merry Christmas. Be nice to people.
The Good Earth job is sort of tedious and boring sometimes, but its easy and I get a steady paycheck. For the first few weeks I worked the register, and that was terrible because you get a lot of mean old ladies and picky snobby people.
Quick sidenote to anyone who reads this blog, especially old ladies and those who are very particular: (now that I think of it, I'm probably just preaching to the choir....but I'll carry on) Think about yourselves in another person's shoes before you actually interact with them. So many of life's little problems would be solved if we could manage to implement the Golden Rule even with those who we think are of minimal of importance... like grocery store clerks and pizza boys.
So as I was saying, I worked the register but then quickly asked if I could learn to do some of the other things at the store. More recently, I've been able to avoid customers. I'm generally scheduled as an MPP (multi-purpose person) and I stock, price, clean, and lift heavy objects.
The pizza delivery job is perhaps one of the funnest I've ever had. In fact, I count the minutes at the Good Earth until I get to deliver pizza. I just drive all over Orem and Lindon all night on little missions. I eat as much pizza as I want. People are almost always happy to see me when I show up and they even tip me for it. I love this job!
Another great thing about the pizza job is the people. You know how at most jobs you get someone who thinks they are really important? Well, no one working at a pizza franchise thinks they are important. Consequently, everyone gets along great.
Perhaps the only downside to this job is having to wear a bright yellow shirt that makes me look like I have jaundice, but I cover it up with a jacket or pullover at night because its freezing and just wear my Papa John's hat and some khakis and big snowboots aside from that.
Anyhow, hella fun that job is.
In other news, I'm dating a boy. This is the first time I've really allowed that to happen, officially. But he's kind and smart and ridiculously good looking and I'm very tired with the church lately. I feel very let down by it (albeit not very let down by God, really) and very happy about him and just normal guilt-free being with someone in general. We'll see where this goes. It may be a temporary or permanent change for me. There's really a lot to say about all this, but I'll save it unless you ask.
I'm so excited for Christmas! I'll list here what I've gotten for all of my family because I'm pretty stoked about all of it and I haven't been telling them of course so it will be a surprise. I love getting presents for people. I wish we had Christmas more often. You'd be excited for these presents too if you knew my family:
Oldest sister, Amy: Mix cd. She keeps a list of songs that she likes from the radio on the refrigerator door and I burned them all onto a cd for her
Older sister, Lois: Gluten free brownie mixes and several pairs of really cool socks to go with these old Mary Jane shoes that she loves.
Older brother, John: Awake (Live's greatest hits) and a Kalai cd.
Younger brother, Alex: Two memory cards for his camera while he's on his mission in Germany. I actually sent these to him a while ago.
Younger sister, Lyndee: Lip gloss and body butter from the body shop as well as a fat gift card from there. I also got her a book to go along with it that has makeup tips and general how to's of beauty stuff in it. She's 17 in February. I'm not sure if the book will be taken as useful or offensive, but she should really love the other stuff at least.
Brother in law, Jared: BBC Wild Planet series. I love this show and he's always watching PBS specials while he bounces kids on his knee or whatever, so I figure he will like this.
Niece Krista, 7: High School Musical shoes.
Niece Kylie, 4: Disney Princess Calendar
Niece April, 8 months: Product red onesy (sp?) that says "Ado(RED)" because she really is.
Dad: A shirt.
Mom: A top.
I actually have a couple of other things in the works for my Mom and Dad that would have been way cooler, but didn't have time to finish them so I settled with clothes which they both actually could use I think. When I get these projects done though, I think they are going to blow my parents away.
I'm yawning now. I work tomorrow, and there's a lot I want to get done, so I'm going to call it quits for the night.
If I don't see you soon or write anything else on here, Merry Christmas. Be nice to people.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Headline News!
Ron Paul is headline news on CNN today!
http://www.cnn.com/2007/POLITICS/12/18/paul.fundraising/index.html
I contributed to his campaign! And remember, if you like this guy, don't forget to register to vote. If you're a Democrat, you'll have to switch over to Republican in Utah (even if ever so briefly) so you can vote Paul in the primaries. The deadline for switching parties is January 6th and primaries for Utah are on Super Tuesday, February 5th.
If you have any questions about Ron Paul or his campaign, ask me or just google "Ron Paul"
I'll post for real later.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
No dice.
I didn't get the job. The hiring people said they would e-mail me either way by monday to let me know. I've been checking my email every 15 minutes since monday morning and haven't seen anything from JetBlue, so I finally called this morning. The nice lady on the phone said that I would have gotten something by now had I been hired.
Damn.
I don't know why I wasn't hired. Like I say, I think I did really well at the interview. Maybe it was the Y chromosome. Maybe I'm too white, or too tall. Too gay? Not gay enough? I don't know.
I am glad I got to at least see New York for free. I just have to think of something to do with my life now because I was sort of banking on this JetBlue job. Do I really want to go back to school in January? In Utah? I'll have to get another job if I do.
The only other options I can think of right now are:
A) Join the military
B) Pack everything into my car and take a chance starting over somewhere else in the country.
As an unrelated thought, (actually, I'm sure it connects somewhere deep in my subconscience) I'm really not feeling the whole church thing right now. I went and talked to my new bishop sunday before last. I just went numb to all the things he said to me for about two hours. Poor guy was trying really hard. I just didn't really care because I'd heard it all before. Same "struggle," same unappealing prospects for the future.
I sat there thinking maybe I should just try dating boys. And I've been thinking that ever since. And maybe I will.
Except this nasty scabby thing has developed on the side of my mouth because my lips got chapped and then split. Its revolting and fairly unlovable. So I'm going to hold off on dating anyone until I at least look normal again. Maybe I'll try to be good before then, maybe not. But I'm not going to impose guilt on myself either way.
I can't tell if I'm doing what God wants me to do or if I'm just caught in a game of chicken with Him.
Damn.
I don't know why I wasn't hired. Like I say, I think I did really well at the interview. Maybe it was the Y chromosome. Maybe I'm too white, or too tall. Too gay? Not gay enough? I don't know.
I am glad I got to at least see New York for free. I just have to think of something to do with my life now because I was sort of banking on this JetBlue job. Do I really want to go back to school in January? In Utah? I'll have to get another job if I do.
The only other options I can think of right now are:
A) Join the military
B) Pack everything into my car and take a chance starting over somewhere else in the country.
As an unrelated thought, (actually, I'm sure it connects somewhere deep in my subconscience) I'm really not feeling the whole church thing right now. I went and talked to my new bishop sunday before last. I just went numb to all the things he said to me for about two hours. Poor guy was trying really hard. I just didn't really care because I'd heard it all before. Same "struggle," same unappealing prospects for the future.
I sat there thinking maybe I should just try dating boys. And I've been thinking that ever since. And maybe I will.
Except this nasty scabby thing has developed on the side of my mouth because my lips got chapped and then split. Its revolting and fairly unlovable. So I'm going to hold off on dating anyone until I at least look normal again. Maybe I'll try to be good before then, maybe not. But I'm not going to impose guilt on myself either way.
I can't tell if I'm doing what God wants me to do or if I'm just caught in a game of chicken with Him.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Time in the Big Apple.
So I'm applying to be a flight attendant and I missed my flight back to Salt Lake today. Only I could be so amazingly stupid.
I sort of misjudged how long it would take me to get to JFK airport from lower Manhattan. You have to take the subway for about and hour and then the airtrain and to make a long story short I arrived at the airport about 20 minutes before my flight left, and you have to be there 30 minutes early for them to allow you to board.
Hell.
I'll be flying back tomorrow at 1 PM. One more night in New York...
I'm staying here with my friend Chris. I met Chris the summer after my freshman year at a program sponsored by the San Jose Mercury News for aspiring young journalists. It was called Mosaic: The Urban Journalism Workshop and it was targetted to "ethnic" kids (Chris is Mexican, though not stereotypically so...think Ugly Betty as a gay guy who writes plays) from the south bay to give them a leg up in the industry (in very bay area fashion). Well, somehow I (perhaps the whitest kid at my high school) made it into this program only to become aware of the whole "ethnic" thing once I was there. But whatever, different people were nothing new and I was all excited to be a hip young journalist. Also, gay is kind of liking having an ethnicity, right?
Anyhow, at Mosaic I had a change of heart about my future career and decided I would never, ever write for a newspaper other than the one at my high school. I also made some friends, and of those friends I kept in touch the most (through phone and chat and emails) with Chris, who was really nice to me and who I knew was gay. I came out to him a little while after the program. He was probably one of the first people, if not the first ever, that I told about being gay.
So nearly seven years later, I see Chris again for the first time in New York. He's basically the same, but I'm not. I was this really chipper, go-get-'em, enthusiastic (yet exceedingly self-conscious) young kid back at that program and I'm just not anymore. Or at least I'm not right now. I tried to recreate my high school persona for Chris' sake, but it just didn't work and I feel weird here. Chris goes to NYU and has all these brilliant playwright friends who write for Broadway and have all these incredible connections with the rich and famous, and I really just don't feel like I fit in at all. They sit around and talk about terribly smart things and go see each others' plays and discuss people and things I've never heard about and then go drinking every night. I do not belong here.
So, New York has been fun and miserable at the same time. I'm thinking I should have just checked into a hostel. I always love hostels.
I saw the Little Mermaid on Broadway and I have to admitt that was fun. I saw another play written by some kid at NYU and that was interesting. I walked through Times Square and saw the Statue of Liberty from the coast of Manhattan and walked by Ground Zero and hung out at some bars with all the NYU kids.
My interview on Friday morning went really well I think. I felt totally "New York" the morning of; taking the subway and then walking through Queens with my business suit on, Dunkin Donuts breakfast and hot chocolate in hand. I went through two long group interviews, sat through some presentations, got my fingerprints done, did a drug test, proved that I could reach everything and fit into an airplane and chatted with some potential future coworkers.
You know when you leave a test feeling like you totally kicked ass? And you say to yourself, "Man, I totally kicked ass!" Thats was me after my interview. But that in itself isn't necessarily good because half the time I feel like that, I wind up with a C+ on something. So I'm just trying not to think about it until I know. I won't find out for sure until Monday.
If I make it, the company does an extensive background check on me and then I go to training in Orlando, Florida on November 28th for 3 to 4 weeks.
I just hope no one on the hiring team finds out that I missed my flight today.
I sort of misjudged how long it would take me to get to JFK airport from lower Manhattan. You have to take the subway for about and hour and then the airtrain and to make a long story short I arrived at the airport about 20 minutes before my flight left, and you have to be there 30 minutes early for them to allow you to board.
Hell.
I'll be flying back tomorrow at 1 PM. One more night in New York...
I'm staying here with my friend Chris. I met Chris the summer after my freshman year at a program sponsored by the San Jose Mercury News for aspiring young journalists. It was called Mosaic: The Urban Journalism Workshop and it was targetted to "ethnic" kids (Chris is Mexican, though not stereotypically so...think Ugly Betty as a gay guy who writes plays) from the south bay to give them a leg up in the industry (in very bay area fashion). Well, somehow I (perhaps the whitest kid at my high school) made it into this program only to become aware of the whole "ethnic" thing once I was there. But whatever, different people were nothing new and I was all excited to be a hip young journalist. Also, gay is kind of liking having an ethnicity, right?
Anyhow, at Mosaic I had a change of heart about my future career and decided I would never, ever write for a newspaper other than the one at my high school. I also made some friends, and of those friends I kept in touch the most (through phone and chat and emails) with Chris, who was really nice to me and who I knew was gay. I came out to him a little while after the program. He was probably one of the first people, if not the first ever, that I told about being gay.
So nearly seven years later, I see Chris again for the first time in New York. He's basically the same, but I'm not. I was this really chipper, go-get-'em, enthusiastic (yet exceedingly self-conscious) young kid back at that program and I'm just not anymore. Or at least I'm not right now. I tried to recreate my high school persona for Chris' sake, but it just didn't work and I feel weird here. Chris goes to NYU and has all these brilliant playwright friends who write for Broadway and have all these incredible connections with the rich and famous, and I really just don't feel like I fit in at all. They sit around and talk about terribly smart things and go see each others' plays and discuss people and things I've never heard about and then go drinking every night. I do not belong here.
So, New York has been fun and miserable at the same time. I'm thinking I should have just checked into a hostel. I always love hostels.
I saw the Little Mermaid on Broadway and I have to admitt that was fun. I saw another play written by some kid at NYU and that was interesting. I walked through Times Square and saw the Statue of Liberty from the coast of Manhattan and walked by Ground Zero and hung out at some bars with all the NYU kids.
My interview on Friday morning went really well I think. I felt totally "New York" the morning of; taking the subway and then walking through Queens with my business suit on, Dunkin Donuts breakfast and hot chocolate in hand. I went through two long group interviews, sat through some presentations, got my fingerprints done, did a drug test, proved that I could reach everything and fit into an airplane and chatted with some potential future coworkers.
You know when you leave a test feeling like you totally kicked ass? And you say to yourself, "Man, I totally kicked ass!" Thats was me after my interview. But that in itself isn't necessarily good because half the time I feel like that, I wind up with a C+ on something. So I'm just trying not to think about it until I know. I won't find out for sure until Monday.
If I make it, the company does an extensive background check on me and then I go to training in Orlando, Florida on November 28th for 3 to 4 weeks.
I just hope no one on the hiring team finds out that I missed my flight today.
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
New York
I'm going to New York this weekend for the first time for an interview with JetBlue! And its free! Even if I don't get the job, this was already worth it.
Friday, November 02, 2007
Cycle
I'm always falling into lame excuses why I can't run a race lately. I'm supposed to be spearheading my ward's stake 5k race effort tomorrow.
But I'm sick. I started feeling it on wednesday night but didn't pay it much attention. Then I went and painted Ron Paul banners all night thursday without a jacket and by this morning I felt horrible. I went in for about 20 minutes of work before I expressed to my manager that I didn't really want to be there today. Luckily they had an extra person scheduled.
Seasonally, this is about the right time for me to get sick. I remember exactly where I was around this time last year...cuddling with another sick person, listening to music: Coldplay and some movie soundtracks, falling asleep...and it was so serene for a few hours until the alarm went off sometime around 6 AM and we both had to get up and go face the world. I didn't do a very good job facing it for a while after that.
This is the time of the year when my spiritual life, at least the spiritual life that I generally think I'm supposed to have, hits an ultimate low that its been working towards since sometime in the middle of summer. I get depressed and start thinking about ways to leave Provo again and somehow abandon everything that is my sorry little life.
I watched this movie called Year of the Dog the other day. Its actually sort of a silly dark comedy, but at one point the main character gets let down by another character and starts crying and then says the whole situation is okay because she's finally realized for certain that everyone just ends up disappointing her. I almost started crying too.
I've started fantasizing about shipping off somewhere and starting fresh, finding a boyfriend or just a calling, blah blah blah. Its dumb, I know, but its sort of how I operate.
I bought a car. A little red BMW 325. We're almost the same age and its loud as hell thanks to a souped up muffler, but I like it. I've always wanted an old beamer.
I applied to be a flight attendant for JetBlue. I was surprised to find out that my application had moved forward and yesterday I did an "automated telephone interview". I think I did alright overall, but my response to the first question was a little shaky and awkward because I was trying to get used to the idea of being personable with an audio recorder. I'm anxious and excited to see what happens. Would I be able to go to school with this job? No... Its also a ridiculously stereotypical gay guy job, but I don't care. I'm in love with the idea of getting to just take off all the time. If I make it, I'll be able to get on any domestic standby flight for free with just about any airline. For international flights, all I would have to pay is taxes. I get starry-eyed just thinking about it. Of course, it would be a while until I wasn't on-call with a completely unpredictable schedule, but ahh...just imagine...going anywhere.
Even if I don't get the job with JetBlue, I'm sure I'll have come up with some method of escape by February or March even though I'm trying to gear up to go to UVSC in January.
I'm living with my oldest sister, Amy, right now. I'm always trying to think of better ways to be her brother. I know I lack in that department sometimes. I have a feeling that she and my two other sisters should finally know about what is going on in my life, but I can't find a reason to tell her other than I just feel like I should. So I don't... I just help out a lot with the housework and the kids, especially the things I know she hates doing like the dishes. She does such a good job with her lot in life. She's a wonderful mom and her kids are bright and adorable and have grown up not wanting for love. I just hope she feels fulfilled with that. I know its sometimes hard for her to keep the perspective that she holds on to so tightly. She's so smart, and I know she sometimes wonders about the what ifs and what could have beens in life. She doesn't show it anymore, though.
I just watched The Family Stone sitting here in bed. What a nice little open-minded family. The gay couple seemed so reasonable.
I had this idea that I was going to read the whole Book of Mormon over the summer and sort of straighten up and fly right and gain a more solid testimony. I did so well for a while. Not only doing the BOM thing, but writing in my journal, going to all the church meetings and activities that I could in Anchorage, keeping everything clean and organized, keeping track of finances and planning a budget. Everything was great for about a month there and then it got sporadic and then it puttered out.
I should muster up the motivation to get my act together again, but theres this problem with turning things around in my life or repenting or whatever, and that is that I've started to see how despite my noblest of efforts, my "bad side" always finds a way to outsmart my "good side."
Things are going in a different direction fast and I don't know if I should just go with it and see where I end up, or for the millionth time try to correct course for a place that I can't be sure about but feel is right...maybe only because I feel secure with it. Both sides have their case and both are unknowns.
That last bit was so general and cliche that I'm annoyed with myself. I'm done writing for now.
But I'm sick. I started feeling it on wednesday night but didn't pay it much attention. Then I went and painted Ron Paul banners all night thursday without a jacket and by this morning I felt horrible. I went in for about 20 minutes of work before I expressed to my manager that I didn't really want to be there today. Luckily they had an extra person scheduled.
Seasonally, this is about the right time for me to get sick. I remember exactly where I was around this time last year...cuddling with another sick person, listening to music: Coldplay and some movie soundtracks, falling asleep...and it was so serene for a few hours until the alarm went off sometime around 6 AM and we both had to get up and go face the world. I didn't do a very good job facing it for a while after that.
This is the time of the year when my spiritual life, at least the spiritual life that I generally think I'm supposed to have, hits an ultimate low that its been working towards since sometime in the middle of summer. I get depressed and start thinking about ways to leave Provo again and somehow abandon everything that is my sorry little life.
I watched this movie called Year of the Dog the other day. Its actually sort of a silly dark comedy, but at one point the main character gets let down by another character and starts crying and then says the whole situation is okay because she's finally realized for certain that everyone just ends up disappointing her. I almost started crying too.
I've started fantasizing about shipping off somewhere and starting fresh, finding a boyfriend or just a calling, blah blah blah. Its dumb, I know, but its sort of how I operate.
I bought a car. A little red BMW 325. We're almost the same age and its loud as hell thanks to a souped up muffler, but I like it. I've always wanted an old beamer.
I applied to be a flight attendant for JetBlue. I was surprised to find out that my application had moved forward and yesterday I did an "automated telephone interview". I think I did alright overall, but my response to the first question was a little shaky and awkward because I was trying to get used to the idea of being personable with an audio recorder. I'm anxious and excited to see what happens. Would I be able to go to school with this job? No... Its also a ridiculously stereotypical gay guy job, but I don't care. I'm in love with the idea of getting to just take off all the time. If I make it, I'll be able to get on any domestic standby flight for free with just about any airline. For international flights, all I would have to pay is taxes. I get starry-eyed just thinking about it. Of course, it would be a while until I wasn't on-call with a completely unpredictable schedule, but ahh...just imagine...going anywhere.
Even if I don't get the job with JetBlue, I'm sure I'll have come up with some method of escape by February or March even though I'm trying to gear up to go to UVSC in January.
I'm living with my oldest sister, Amy, right now. I'm always trying to think of better ways to be her brother. I know I lack in that department sometimes. I have a feeling that she and my two other sisters should finally know about what is going on in my life, but I can't find a reason to tell her other than I just feel like I should. So I don't... I just help out a lot with the housework and the kids, especially the things I know she hates doing like the dishes. She does such a good job with her lot in life. She's a wonderful mom and her kids are bright and adorable and have grown up not wanting for love. I just hope she feels fulfilled with that. I know its sometimes hard for her to keep the perspective that she holds on to so tightly. She's so smart, and I know she sometimes wonders about the what ifs and what could have beens in life. She doesn't show it anymore, though.
I just watched The Family Stone sitting here in bed. What a nice little open-minded family. The gay couple seemed so reasonable.
I had this idea that I was going to read the whole Book of Mormon over the summer and sort of straighten up and fly right and gain a more solid testimony. I did so well for a while. Not only doing the BOM thing, but writing in my journal, going to all the church meetings and activities that I could in Anchorage, keeping everything clean and organized, keeping track of finances and planning a budget. Everything was great for about a month there and then it got sporadic and then it puttered out.
I should muster up the motivation to get my act together again, but theres this problem with turning things around in my life or repenting or whatever, and that is that I've started to see how despite my noblest of efforts, my "bad side" always finds a way to outsmart my "good side."
Things are going in a different direction fast and I don't know if I should just go with it and see where I end up, or for the millionth time try to correct course for a place that I can't be sure about but feel is right...maybe only because I feel secure with it. Both sides have their case and both are unknowns.
That last bit was so general and cliche that I'm annoyed with myself. I'm done writing for now.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Heavenly Music.
Listen to:
-The "I Want to Hold Your Hand" cover by T.V. Carpio used on the Across the Universe soundtrack. This is the most beautiful cover of this song. And it has a lesbian twist. My favorite song right now. Such a gorgeous voice.
-The "Let it Be" cover from Across the Universe. Heavenly. Dripping with soulful grace.
-"No, No Never" by Texas Lightning for a more upbeat song. You can find it if you search for them on Youtube. Usually the first search result is a video of them playing at the Eurovision 2006 song contest and its a good one. This is a German country band from Hamburg(where my little brother will bed serving his mission in 2 days)with an Australian lead singer.
-The "I Want to Hold Your Hand" cover by T.V. Carpio used on the Across the Universe soundtrack. This is the most beautiful cover of this song. And it has a lesbian twist. My favorite song right now. Such a gorgeous voice.
-The "Let it Be" cover from Across the Universe. Heavenly. Dripping with soulful grace.
-"No, No Never" by Texas Lightning for a more upbeat song. You can find it if you search for them on Youtube. Usually the first search result is a video of them playing at the Eurovision 2006 song contest and its a good one. This is a German country band from Hamburg(where my little brother will bed serving his mission in 2 days)with an Australian lead singer.
Saturday, October 06, 2007
Post Priesthood Session Thoughts.
I want a T-shirt that says "flaming" on on the front and "red-head" on the back.
Thomas S. Monson says I can do anything.
Thomas S. Monson says I can do anything.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Departure
It's very late at night here in Alaska and all of my roommates are asleep, so imagine me whispering all of this to you.
I'm coming home tomorrow, finally. I had my exit interview and my boss said I did and excellent job and that she wouldn't hesitate to hire me again. I cleaned train cars for a couple of days and now I'm ready to go home. My flight was actually scheduled for the 23rd, but I spent a bunch more money so that I could come home earlier than that. No regrets at all. I'll be on a plane all day tomorrow...this morning actually. It's time to come back to Utah for a while.
See you soon maybe, and goodnight.
I'm coming home tomorrow, finally. I had my exit interview and my boss said I did and excellent job and that she wouldn't hesitate to hire me again. I cleaned train cars for a couple of days and now I'm ready to go home. My flight was actually scheduled for the 23rd, but I spent a bunch more money so that I could come home earlier than that. No regrets at all. I'll be on a plane all day tomorrow...this morning actually. It's time to come back to Utah for a while.
See you soon maybe, and goodnight.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Fall in Alaska, lest I forget. And a mini-tour of a McKinley Explorer train car
Hurricane Gulch in the Fall.
I thought these clouds sort of looked like giant footprints in the sky.
Getting cooler. Fog rolling in. This is the best I could capture it.
Healy Coal Mine. This means you are close to Denali National Park.
Fall colors
Fall colors, side of the train.
Fall.
More Fall. The pictures don't even do it justice, really.
The switch: where the northbound train meets the southbound train.
This is what we make the guests do upstairs to keep them busy during the switch. It's called the moose wave. Tour package vacations are really a lot like kindergarten classes for retired people.
This is what we make the guests do upstairs to keep them busy during the switch. It's called the moose wave. Tour package vacations are really a lot like kindergarten classes for retired people.
Waiting for the bus to take us to the Best Value Inn in Fairbanks.
Pretending to sleep on the train.
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Train of thought.
I just got off the train again last night. Phew. This is a tough job, but I plan to stick it out for the rest of the summer. With my next paycheck, I'll be free of all student loans. The relief is almost enough to make a guy never want to go to school ever again...
I turned 21 this weekend. On Thursday, Smurf and Rascal and I got some Indian food and went to Harry Potter. It was cool. Pretty much like most nights off, except I got a present too.
On Friday, my actual birthday, I was on the train again soaked in dishwater and old peoples' chewed food rocking violently back and forth on a track somewhere between Anchorage and Fairbanks Alaska. It really wasn't too bad for a day on the train. I only had to wash dishes for one train car instead of the usual two. The waitstaff sang me happy birthday at dinner and brought me some chocolate cheesecake. When we rolled into Fairbanks, several people offered to buy me a drink and when I turned them all down this girl Brooke settled with owing me ice cream. This guy Matt invited me to go to a Korean restaurant with a bunch of our coworkers at night to celebrate. I didn't really want to go...I just wanted to go to bed, but I didn't want to look like a jerk (or Heaven forbid, some sort of social introvert...) so we went out to eat. I got some tasty beef and noodles, and everyone except an underage Bulgarian girl and I got drunk.
There was a lot of Karaoke, starting with the Happy Birthday song sung to me by the owners of the restaurant. I actually have a video of that on my camera, but I don't have it with me.Birthday in Fairbanks
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Suffice it to say, its pretty one-of-a-kind. Lots of people sang Karaoke after that. I sang Karaoke and it was really terrible. I don't even want to talk about it.
Tomorrow Smurf and Rascal get on a plane to go back to Utah. It's a little sad because they really are my best buddies up here, but at the same time it'll be nice to just live independent of them for a while. Even if only for a couple months. Sometimes I forget how I used to function on my own, and that's an important thing to remember. I'm moving in with some other folks who work on the train, and they seem cool enough.
My little brother, Alex is going to Hamburg, Germany on his mission!!! Best news of the week. I got a call from my family a few days ago just after I had stepped off the train. I was walking home through downtown Anchorage, hauling my giant blue backpack in my dirty chef pants and white shirt when I got a call from my family. They put me on speaker phone while my little brother opened up his call. He read his letter and we were all whooping and shouting when he read where he was going. It was one of those classic Mormon moments and it made me so happy...I was beaming. Everything was even brighter than it usually is at 9 o'clock at night in Alaska. My family is the mostest and I can't wait to see them again. I've thought about them so much since coming up here...just how their lives are going and what kind of people they all are and all the things I want to do with them when I get back and what I want to get them for Christmas. They're so important to me and I need to figure out how to treat them as such more often.
Speaking of which, I was reading the new church pamphlet, "God Loveth His Children" last night. The pamphlet was made for "SGA" individuals in the church. I was so impressed with it, and so pleased that it was produced. It is so dead on. It's really what I and so many people I know need to hear. A lot of it I had already sort of established in my mind, but never could put into words like that. Someone must have worked the wording of it over and over. It's such a tightrope to walk. It will be just little controversial I think, but so be it. We have desperately needed just a little more guidance from the church in this area. It's so tricky to address us gays, and they did a good job I think. It made me feel good to be in the church and made me feel just a little bit more like I belong. My favorite line was, "Happiness is harvested from the cultivation of worthwhile things, not just the suppression of that which offends God."
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Delicious Women.
One day back in Provo, Smurf and I were hanging out at my apartment when he noticed a large poster hanging up in my room. The poster features a beautiful German brunette with green eyes in a little Octoberfest outfit. She has a dazzling smile and is holding three enormous, mouthwatering ice cream cones in front of her chest.
Smurf was pretty amused by the poster, or perhaps merely that it was hanging in my room. He asked about it and I told him that I had it up so I would start associating beautiful females with ice cream and/or other delicious treats, and subsequently develop a sexual attraction to women. Smurf started laughing his head off
...until he looked over and realized that I was dead serious.
And my scheme might just be working! I'm always incredibly attracted to cute girls who make delicious treats.
At any rate, a few extraordinary movies have entered my life since moving to Alaska, and I can't help but acknowledge a common link between each of the movies' leading ladies...and that I'm ridiculously attracted to all of them.
My summer crushes include:
Maggie Gyllenhaal's character from Stranger than Fiction; Dropped out of Harvard Law because she was more interested in making treats for her study groups than for actually studying (we would so get along). She left and started a bakery.
Smurf was pretty amused by the poster, or perhaps merely that it was hanging in my room. He asked about it and I told him that I had it up so I would start associating beautiful females with ice cream and/or other delicious treats, and subsequently develop a sexual attraction to women. Smurf started laughing his head off
...until he looked over and realized that I was dead serious.
And my scheme might just be working! I'm always incredibly attracted to cute girls who make delicious treats.
At any rate, a few extraordinary movies have entered my life since moving to Alaska, and I can't help but acknowledge a common link between each of the movies' leading ladies...and that I'm ridiculously attracted to all of them.
My summer crushes include:
Maggie Gyllenhaal's character from Stranger than Fiction; Dropped out of Harvard Law because she was more interested in making treats for her study groups than for actually studying (we would so get along). She left and started a bakery.
Juliette Binoche's character in Chocolat; has a habit of running from town to town all over Europe with her daughter. Runs a Chocolatier in a small French town in the movie where she tempts the townsfolk with her sensuous treats. 
or Kerri Russel's character in Waitress; A pretty, kind, small town girl who invents new recipes for scrumptious pies in the restaurant where she works as a waitress.
I recommend all of the above movies.
Additionally, in real life there is a little ice cream shop in the hotel next to the one where we stay in Fairbanks, and I'm in love with the girl who serves me ice cream there. She is adorable.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
A little more of Alaska.
The following are on a hike I took last night up to Little O'Malley mountain, in the Chugach mountains very near Anchorage.
The sky is huge here, and mostly the sun just goes around it, not over it, except for about 4 hours every day.
Sunset over Anchorage. That means 11:30 to 12:00 midnight. The buildings in the distance are downtown.
Salmon Fishermen over the river near the railyard.
That's my street about a block from my apartment. And that's a giant moose walking down the road. Only in Alaska...
This is the chic little restaurant near the Westmark. We get our meals half off here because we work for Holland America. :)
This is Smurf eating at the chic restaurant. I hope his mother sees this post...
Amen.
The sky is huge here, and mostly the sun just goes around it, not over it, except for about 4 hours every day.
Sunset over Anchorage. That means 11:30 to 12:00 midnight. The buildings in the distance are downtown.
Salmon Fishermen over the river near the railyard.
That's my street about a block from my apartment. And that's a giant moose walking down the road. Only in Alaska...
This is the chic little restaurant near the Westmark. We get our meals half off here because we work for Holland America. :)
This is Smurf eating at the chic restaurant. I hope his mother sees this post...
Amen.
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