I'm going to Moab in a few hours so I don't have a lot of time to write. If you want to know about what happened with Soulforce, see Drex's blog. It's fairly comprehensive.
I've spent that last couple of days (maybe even the last few weeks?) defending the Mormons from the gays and the gays from the Mormons. I hope its going somewhere. Ultimately I think it's the Mormon part that drives me because I have a belief that the church is for everyone, even the gays, whereas the gays might not be for everyone, especially the Mormons. I know that's vague, but I think you get it.
As far as Soulforce goes, I'm glad they came because they act as a good catalyst. I don't think they get much done, and they're a little embarrassing sometimes, but they get us gay kids talking and thinking, even if most of the rest of the student body is oblivious. I (and I think many of you all) still feel misrepresented by Soulforce and thus feel the need to represent myself. And we need to respresent ourselves because no one can do it better. To be fair, I think Soulforce did a much better job this year than last year as far as catering to their audience goes. They were well-versed in scripture and had tried to learn about LDS doctrine. I told two girls that I met from the ride that I thought they were better at building bridges this year and I would pass that on to Jan Scharman if we talk to her again. I think we will. I'm going to send her another email, perhaps when I get back from Moab. It's a shame that this organization has already thrown the credibility of its individual members with the administration out the window by putting on shows and pulling illegal stunts meant for nothing but a camera.
Perhaps I'll go back to school at BYU after all. Maybe not, but I feel like it can be a better place and that I'd just be giving up on it if I didn't. I wish BYU and the church could be more of an example, more of a light on a hill. I wish it were the perfect place for a gay LDS student to go... not just a pretty good place that you have to sort of be careful about if you're gay.
There are a lot of things I wish about gay things and not gay things, and the more I think about it, the more I realize that I might just have to be the one to make it happen.
I have a lot to say and a lot of mixed feelings about everything thats been going on this week. We has some really interesting experiences. I'm not going to addresss all of those things here, but feel free to ask me if you're wondering.
Catch ya later.
3 comments:
I really agree with what you said about the church and BYU being more of a light on a hill and a great place. It's really hard sometimes because people just don't understand. Have fun in Moab.
-Cas
Yeah, while it's sad to me that it's taking us, the proverbial oppressed peoples, standing up for our rights and working to get that light on that hill burning and bright, at least it's happening. Or at least there are strides being made, I suppose. Still, the fact that we can make a difference in this case fills me with all sorts of hope for the future here.
Do you ever sometimes look around at our beautiful, perfect existance and say "Woah, wait a second. What is THAT doing there???" Like, when you've made it to church on time for the first time in weeks, and someone comes up to you and says something like "You're on our to be watched list" instead of welcoming you back? It rather disenfranchised me. I almost wish for my own Soulforce catalyst, some kind of outside opposer that would challenge me to defend my beliefs to someone, to anyone, even to myself. Because it's getting to the point where I realize I'm stronger when I'm outnumbered by the world than I feel when I'm just one of the many shiny happy people. Being persecuted for your beliefs forces you to fight for them instead of questioning them. And I'm proud of you, for being faced with that and realizing that in fact, you've already chosen a side.
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