Friday, July 29, 2005

Be an outcast, see the world.

"Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence. True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation."
George Washington

Let’s face it, I’m sort of retarded when it comes to this principle. But I’m learning slowly...

So, there’s this idea that’s been tickling my fancy lately.

As soon as I get enough money, I could move, transfer universities or something...
I could get in little bit more education, get a job, make only casual acquaintances. Then before anyone gets too close...before I become vulnerable, before I fall in love, before anyone can make me feel stupid or ugly or dull, I will pack my bags in an instant and RUN.

Perhaps to another country? A language barrier might be just what I need.

I could go around doing good things unnoticed. Being kind to people in ways that would never call for attachment or recognition. That’s the best sort of kindness anyways. It lets people believe in angels and miracles. I imagine this is something like what the three Nephites must do... Perhaps they were gay too hmm?

Other than flying back to my family for Christmas and a few special occasions, I think that no one would ever know where I was.

If I can’t be in a relationship and have children, this seems like the next best thing.

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Some things about my job and such.

I love my jobs. Even when they suck, I love them.
BYU catering is my favorite though. The other night we served dinner in the Skyroom for a party celebrating a 50th wedding anniversary. 50 years! Thats a litte more than two and a half of my lifetimes just in marriage! I admire that in the deepest most sincere sort of way....and also wonder about it...but I’m not going to get into that. It was great. The people were really nice and it was a pleasure to keep their punch and water glasses full.
At around 7 o’clock they had some program and the four of us working the event went into the kitchen in back to eat (great food is another perk of the job, I eat like a maniac whenever I work). One of the guys left early and so it was just the three of us back in the kitchen talking and eating while this program went on.
I have to say that one of the main reasons I like work is because I’m around all these people who I know, but dont KNOW. I’m familiar with all of these great guys and gals, but don’t know any secrets or personal information, and likewise they know only very surface level stuff about me. In this sort of situation I can be the cool guy. I can laugh and be witty and popular and flirt with the girls and just be all-around pleasant to everyone. I can speak candidly (still tactfully, but candidly) and do things like be a ghetto rock star while polishing silverware. Frankly, I’m not emotionally connected enough to the people (nor do I wish to be) to worry about what they think about me. I revel in this sort of atmosphere, when life is a series of fleeting moments that have no bearing on my future or what I think of myself.
In stark contrast, when I’m with people I really do care about or want to care about, I’m shy, paralyzed, crippled...and being social and extroverted is this difficult chore that makes me tired and frustrated. It always comes out wrong as well. Its cruel how things work out that way sometimes.
So anyhow, not to be a downer, I’m talking with these two guys Branden and Nathan as we stuff our faces with pasta and turkey and dinner rolls and fruit salad and the topic rolls around to missions. So I fall quiet as I generally do when this part of the conversation rolls around and I shovel more pasta into my mouth.
Nathan served in Argentina and Branden served in Puerto Rico. They ask me where I served and I tell them I haven’t and they ask me when I’m putting in my papers and I tell them I don’t think it’s going to happen and sit there expecting the regular awkwardness which generally follows that response.....but extraordinarily, Nathan apologized and said he shouldnt have assumed that I had gone or was going and Branden is the son of a mission president and told me about how he loved his mission but hated the stigma that followed those who never served or who were sent home early. And that was that... and we talked about all sorts of other things and these guys were really cool and nice to me and everything was fine. It was such a great feeling to not be looked down upon or lectured about how important missions are and why I should serve one (generally people just assume that I’m not going because I don’t want to or because I’m lazy or some crap like that). The fact that I have these good acquaintances at BYU catering makes me want to ditch the bookstore and stay with catering full time. The ladies that I work for at the bookstore still assume that I’m saving up for my mission simply because I’m 18 and despite the fact that I’m going to be here next semester and that I have never told them I’m going on a mission...It puts a very uncomfortable damper on things.
However, the bookstore is great work as well. Last night we ran the Harry Potter Party from 11 PM until 2 in the morning. I saw a bunch of friends and people from my classes and got to talk to them. My mom came dressed to the nines in wizard gear including a sparkly blue cape...I was so proud of mom is so cool these days... My older sister (also works at the bookstore) was getting into the whole atmosphere and was wearing a Griffindor scarf. My little sister won a prize for her costume and got a free copy of the sixth book (most likely my birthday present next week as she is fourteen, flat broke and had her copy ordered far, far in advance)
Today I worked the Young Readers book symposium at the Provo Library which is basically a bunch of children’s book authors who speak to a bunch of librarians and elementary school teachers (I like this sort of people...kind of like English major people but not quite as stuffy and never snobby or overly intellectual) and sell books. So I sat there and read childrens books and Till We Have Faces and chatted it up with all kinds of little old ladies and fun spunky school teachers. I swear I learn more things that way than I do trying to get a college education.... There was this lady Diane there who was a freaking riot to listen oh man...
After that was over I came home and crashed because I was dead tired and then went to Smiths and bought ice cream and hot fudge sauce to put on chocolate cake and rented some interesting looking DVD’s. I wasn’t hanging out with anyone (and while I wanted to, I wasn’t really sure if I did for reasons mentioned above, so I was content by myself) and I felt like I do sometimes when I do stuff like this on my one of those people with lots of cats....except I don’t have lots of cats. I like it anyhow, it’s great fun.... And dancing around my room is way better when no one is looking.
I think I’m going to join the military?

- Pinetree.

Thursday, July 14, 2005


In very Lizesque style, Liz showed me this blog the other day. Think what you will.
Postcard Secrets.

Monday, July 11, 2005


I'd just like you all to know that I have a cell phone now. I gave in to the peer pressure. :)

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Go London!

London beat out Paris for the 2012 Olympics! That makes me happy. London is my favorite city in the whole world.