Thursday, January 31, 2008

Ron Paul. Make sure to vote on Super Tuesday.

This man makes sense.

Ron Paul at the latest debate available on YouTube, January 24th in Florida.

The two videos above are Ron Paul on gay issues. I agree with him 100%

Also, if you're interested, Ron Paul has a very solid Mormon following because his views line up very well with what most prophets have said about the role of government. Especially David O McKay and Ezra Taft Benson. Also see the work of Cleon Skousen, an LDS scholar who wrote and lectured about the role of government and visit
This is why my family is supporting Ron Paul. But its not to say that the church is endorsing any one candidate over the other, because it never does. The church expects you to get informed and make that decision on your own.

Lastly, there will be a Honk and Wave rally hosted by the Utah County Ron Paul Meetup Group at the intersection of University Parkway and State Street on February 4th, the night before Utahns go to the polls on Super Tuesday. If you like this candidate, come help wave signs, pass out literature and get the word out for him. And talk to your friends and neighbors.

Monday, January 28, 2008

President Hinckley

I've meant to say something since about 8:30 Sunday night about President Hinckley's passing. It caught me off guard, though I can't say it was completely unexpected. I'm very saddened by it.

President Hinckley was such a voice of reason in the church. I saw him put crowds of tens of thousands at ease. I saw him make all those people yearn to be better. He filled them with love. He filled me with love.

He had been the prophet through most of my spiritually conscious life; when I resented the church, feared the church, loved the church, put my hopes in the church, and then most recently sort of passively drifted away from the church...floating alongside somewhere. He was always there, but even when I took issue with the church and the messes it seemed to make of peoples' lives sometimes, I always loved Gordon B. Hinckley and still do.

He was a man of integrity, and not just in the way that politicians throw that word around. He knew what integrity was and lived it.

He knew how to enjoy life. He was wise and funny. He knew how to live and he knew all those little secrets about how to treat his fellow man.

I always thought of him as this sort of Yoda for the church, steadily hobbling along full of purpose with that little cane of his. He was a constant like the north star he always talked about, and he always stepped in at just the right moment, when it was needed the most, with something profound and stirring and loving and true.

The world has lost a spiritual giant.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

This post doesn't really have a lot of substance, so you're allowed to skip it.

When I got in my car this morning, it wouldn't start.

I love my old beamer, but one of its flaws is that is has this fuel pump switch that you turn on from the inside before you turn on the ignition. It's meant to be some sort of drag racing feature, I guess so that you can kill the engine in the event that the brakes won't work or the gas pedal sticks or for whatever reason. The guy who owned the car before me was a mechanic who tinkered with things a little, and this is just one of several quirks.

So at any rate, I'm always leaving this fuel pump switch on. It's silent, so I don't ever realize that I've neglected it, but it drains my battery, so that when I leave it on for a few hours or overnight, the car won't start the next time I want to drive it. It frustrates me like nothing else. I've become a pro at quickly and repeatedly jumping my car battery.

So I realized this morning that I had left the damn fuel pump switch on overnight. That, right there, fouled up my mood for most of the day. As fast as I've gotten with jumper cables lately, I only had about ten minutes before I was supposed to be at work which really wasn't enough time to move my brother in law's truck, jump the car, and get everything back in place before taking off. So my sister just gave me a ride to work. I was pretty grumpy, though I tried not to take that out on her.

I was relieved to make it to work on time. I've been late a lot recently and I'm trying to redeem myself. Unfortunately, just as the relief was kicking in, my boss informed me that the employee fridge/freezer had died overnight and that my job for the morning was going to be cleaning that out. Most mornings this would be no problem; I'm no stranger to dirty jobs. But it wasn't what I wanted to hear upon arrival at work today

The one good thing about this task was that I wouldn't have to talk to anyone else for a good few hours...

Jon wanted to go to lunch today. I did not feel like going to lunch or seeing Jon, just because I was in such a pissed off mood and because I looked like crap. I hadn't shaved, I still need a haircut, I have this disgusting and persistent breakout right now on my face, and to top it all off I smelled like the inside of a dairy fridge (my next project after cleaning the employee fridge was pricing milk and butter)

I just felt like hell. And I looked like hell, and that made me feel even more like hell. I wanted to come up with some BS reason for why I didn't want to go, but couldn't think about one that wasn't just an outright lie (I did consider lying...) that Jon wouldn't shoot down. So I bucked up and went to lunch. I figure if I'm going to be in any type of serious relationship with anyone, they're going to have to see me on days like this so they can get a feel for what a complete mess I can be.

I didn't say anything to Jon about my ill state when he picked me up. I just tried to make small talk and make the best of our thirty minutes. We went to Quizno's. The line was long. I spent like 10 bucks because when I have feelings I eat them -- giant sandwich, bag of sunchips, apple juice, double chocolate chip cookie. Some of you anorexic people who do the opposite need to tell me how you swing that. I didn't end up eating a lot (although I assure you I would have given the chance) because by the time we got our food my break was about up.

Jon gained some major points for still being excited to see me and/or be around me when I'm like this. Nothing was said about it, though I felt extremely self-conscious and just outright embarrassed. Jon looked and smelled great (he always does) was clean shaven, and though tired, wasn't in a bad mood at all.

So he passed what in my mind was a good test. Worse is yet to come, I'm sure, but he's doing good.

I still need a little boost of self-esteem though sometime soon. I need to actually start running for this half marathon thing in March. I haven't exercised in weeks and maybe that will make me feel better. Now I'm just rambling. Nay-nay to rambling. I'm done.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Pinetree has a boyfriend.

and he came to Moab with Pinetree and his friends. And it was fun.

Sunday, January 06, 2008


It doesn't go away even when you're going out with someone. I thought maybe it would...

See, there's this part of me that I don't like to talk about much. A part that does really stupid things now and then. A part that wakes up somewhere he really shouldn't be at some Godless hour in the morning covered in God knows what, God knows where. He showers and goes home, wherever that is, usually listening to some music to try to cover up whatever emotion he is feeling inside. This part of me came to full actualization sometime around 15 or 16 years old.

This sick, nasty part of me is what makes me feel terrible. It's what gives me this constant need for repentance. It makes me say prayers and make promises and plead and beg and want to die.

So, I thought, "I should have a boyfriend." A legitimate sort of person to person connection that's not all gross and weird and maybe the gross weird part of me will go away...because I don't feel bad about holding a boys hand when I really like him or kissing him or really doing anything with a boy when it just happens because we like each other very much.

And I've got enough guts to handle being in a gay relationship. I can make that identity mine and make it work.

And so I've been dating a boy.

And the gross part of me did go away for a while. Its so nice to just focus on someone you're falling for when the feelings are reciprocated.

But I'm realizing now that I still have those sick urges. That maybe I'm really screwed up in the head.

The boy I've been dating lately is gorgeous. He's supermodel hot. He has these amazing angel eyes with long dark lashes. I'm big on eyes. He's relatively normal acting in public (which is a big find in the gay dating pool!) but just quirky enough that we can have sneaky inside jokes and be cute with each other. I always feel so lucky that he's even into me. I feel like the ugly end of the stick in this relationship, but he says he likes me and I'm doing my best to own that.

I've basically got what I wanted. I've even got what I want in abundance as the dating pool has opened up a lot of really attractive opportunities, though he who is mentioned above is the best one I think.

And even when I've already got the most beautiful boy in the world, this very dirty, weird Pinetree is still lurking in the shadows, willing to go off and do something bizarre and irrational with someone much less attractive.


If I was a character from Heroes, I would be Niki for sure.

P.S. - I love this song:

The Kooks - She Moves In Her Own Way.

Wednesday, January 02, 2008


I love this song. My buddy Josh showed it to me.