I didn't get the job. The hiring people said they would e-mail me either way by monday to let me know. I've been checking my email every 15 minutes since monday morning and haven't seen anything from JetBlue, so I finally called this morning. The nice lady on the phone said that I would have gotten something by now had I been hired.
I don't know why I wasn't hired. Like I say, I think I did really well at the interview. Maybe it was the Y chromosome. Maybe I'm too white, or too tall. Too gay? Not gay enough? I don't know.
I am glad I got to at least see New York for free. I just have to think of something to do with my life now because I was sort of banking on this JetBlue job. Do I really want to go back to school in January? In Utah? I'll have to get another job if I do.
The only other options I can think of right now are:
A) Join the military
B) Pack everything into my car and take a chance starting over somewhere else in the country.
As an unrelated thought, (actually, I'm sure it connects somewhere deep in my subconscience) I'm really not feeling the whole church thing right now. I went and talked to my new bishop sunday before last. I just went numb to all the things he said to me for about two hours. Poor guy was trying really hard. I just didn't really care because I'd heard it all before. Same "struggle," same unappealing prospects for the future.
I sat there thinking maybe I should just try dating boys. And I've been thinking that ever since. And maybe I will.
Except this nasty scabby thing has developed on the side of my mouth because my lips got chapped and then split. Its revolting and fairly unlovable. So I'm going to hold off on dating anyone until I at least look normal again. Maybe I'll try to be good before then, maybe not. But I'm not going to impose guilt on myself either way.
I can't tell if I'm doing what God wants me to do or if I'm just caught in a game of chicken with Him.