Response.

Date:	03/29/07 04:48 pm
Subject:	Jan Scharman Follow Up

Vice President Scharman asked me to contact you and thank you for waiting patiently through the events of the past few weeks. As promised, she has spent some time on the advocacy statement and wanted to know if you are interested in getting together again to review these ideas, as well as go over the questions and answers you have been putting together. Please call me if you are, and we’ll work out a time for you all to meet.

Thanks.

Georgia Rasmussen

A-333 ASB

BYU

I got this email today from Georgia Rasmussen, Jan Scharman's secretary/personal assistant, the same person I had to talk to for setting up an appointment with Jan. I'm really glad they got back to us. I was actually just about to write VP Scharman to ask what all she had decided/found out. This email doesn't say anything about many of the other ideas we had that she said she would get back to us on, but I assume we'll just be able to ask her about those when we meet again. The administration is much more accessable than some might have you believe.

A dream.

One night in the middle of the night I awoke from a dream and tried to write down everything about it because I thought it was cool. There were a few nights/mornings when I tried doing this. I can't find my other dreams right now, but if I do maybe I will post those too. I might have even posted some of them a long time ago and just forgot. Anyways, I've been cleaning off stuff from my computer so I can get rid of it for the summer and I found this. This is exactly how it was written, in my half-asleep stupor:

"EFY. dorms. lots of kids in dorms. Beautiful place, lots of really cool hiking mountains in the ditance next to the stree church was on. Black soft dirt trails. Very colorful. Different things on the street. Friend has a room, writes stuff cinder block on the wall satirically about what he talks about. Can do magic or somehting."

Haha! Wha?!?!?

I really like reading this. I need to try to do these more. They're fun to look at later on. And now you have a glimpse into just how my mind works.

:)

Activism

I'm going to Moab in a few hours so I don't have a lot of time to write. If you want to know about what happened with Soulforce, see Drex's blog. It's fairly comprehensive.

I've spent that last couple of days (maybe even the last few weeks?) defending the Mormons from the gays and the gays from the Mormons. I hope its going somewhere. Ultimately I think it's the Mormon part that drives me because I have a belief that the church is for everyone, even the gays, whereas the gays might not be for everyone, especially the Mormons. I know that's vague, but I think you get it.

As far as Soulforce goes, I'm glad they came because they act as a good catalyst. I don't think they get much done, and they're a little embarrassing sometimes, but they get us gay kids talking and thinking, even if most of the rest of the student body is oblivious. I (and I think many of you all) still feel misrepresented by Soulforce and thus feel the need to represent myself. And we need to respresent ourselves because no one can do it better. To be fair, I think Soulforce did a much better job this year than last year as far as catering to their audience goes. They were well-versed in scripture and had tried to learn about LDS doctrine. I told two girls that I met from the ride that I thought they were better at building bridges this year and I would pass that on to Jan Scharman if we talk to her again. I think we will. I'm going to send her another email, perhaps when I get back from Moab. It's a shame that this organization has already thrown the credibility of its individual members with the administration out the window by putting on shows and pulling illegal stunts meant for nothing but a camera.

Perhaps I'll go back to school at BYU after all. Maybe not, but I feel like it can be a better place and that I'd just be giving up on it if I didn't. I wish BYU and the church could be more of an example, more of a light on a hill. I wish it were the perfect place for a gay LDS student to go... not just a pretty good place that you have to sort of be careful about if you're gay.

There are a lot of things I wish about gay things and not gay things, and the more I think about it, the more I realize that I might just have to be the one to make it happen.

I have a lot to say and a lot of mixed feelings about everything thats been going on this week. We has some really interesting experiences. I'm not going to addresss all of those things here, but feel free to ask me if you're wondering.

Catch ya later.

The location of eternity

Sometimes I'm not sure which is better. There are those moments that feel like eternity, like when you get lost in somebody's eyes or touch... and then there are eternities that feel like far too many moments.

I watched Steel Magnolias with Brown Sugar a few weeks back. Shelby says "I would rather have thirty minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special." Wow.

I went to the wedding receptiong of two of the most beautiful people I know this weekend. Smurf knows them better than me, but man, you should have seen them dance. And all the pictures they had up were amazing and they had Pudding on the Rice served by my cousin and her fiancee. Anyways, the reception was really beautiful. I want that. Not that exactly, you know, but my own that.

There's this boy. This same beautiful boy with light eyes and curly brown hair. It'll never work between us, neither of us would let it. And he's completely reckless with my feelings and too cool for me and all of that. But man, when he's got me, he's got me. And I walk into it way too easy and sometimes he doesn't even have to ask and there's a lot of wishing and thinking about this imaginary dimension where we can live together and play with each other and have kids because man, he's so perfect even if he's not.

My best friend from high school, Tootsie Roll called me up this weekend too. I miss that kid and the whole bay area world where you're not attached to anything and you don't have to care unless you want to. You can tell all the nay-sayers to f**k off, wherever they're coming from, and when you do care about something maybe its deeper and stronger than ever. Like no matter what I do or Tootsie Roll does, we will always be those pals from grade school until whenever even if we don't talk as much as we do with other friends. Doesn't matter if I read my scriptures or not. Sometimes I think maybe he's one of the only real friends I've ever had.

I'm done with this. I think I'll just be up early this morning.

Longboarding down the canyon...

officially one of my favorite things to do in Provo.

Also, today is officially spring in my mind. Its beautiful outside.

************ !

I just got cinnamon rolls from Shirley's Bakery in Provo. Shirley has God's recipe for cinnamon rolls. I love food way too much to achieve a six-pack. I'll keep trying though.

I watched God's Army 2 States of Grace last night and I loved it. Its really well done for a Richard Dutcher film, and true to life in so many ways. I loved how all the really wonderful things happened at the same time or close to the same time as all the really horrible things. I could identify with that. And I liked how God wasn't ever presented in any way really. Everyone believed in Him, but there was no reason to believe He was there except for faith. It was very...realistic I guess. I also liked how any faith and belief in God was portrayed in a good light, not just the Mormons. And finally, the cinematography and setup of shots was impressive and it had gangsters. Favorite LDS-made movie so far. Touching, really.

The date with Kate:
It was...okay. We went to Mimi's Cafe and then Barnes and Noble after. I had my game-face on through Mimi's cafe and was asking lots of questions and we were talking and doing really well. Half way through Barnes and Noble I sort of ran out of things to talk about and I thought it started to get really boring. We were still talking about books we liked and all kinds of things, but I was just...I dunno...unstimulated? I sort of headed towards the door, but she didn't, so we stayed there until it closed looking at a big book of modern architecture. We got back in the car and there wasn't a lot of talking then. Just my iPod playing. When I parked by her apartment, I expected her to get out, but she didnt. So we talked a little more. Then I walked her to her door. I thought it must have been the most boring date she had ever been on in her life, and I told my roommate that. I guess he must have told his girlfriend, who told Kate. Kate later texted me and said she had a great time and wasn't bored at all. Cool...?....
In retrospect I imagine that had I been on a date with some guy doing all of the same things I did with Kate, I would have been having a great time because there would have been this innate interest and curiosity that would have kept me going through the night...but there wasn't. It was just very unbalanced and strange for me.
One thing that bothered me on the date was that I was afraid to be irreverent. I didn't want to say anything about religion or politics or race or sex or anything like that because I was afraid of offending her. I need a girl who knows how to be irreverent. She has a sense of humor, but its very dry an satirical. I love that, but I also like people who can just be "lol" funny once in a while. I mean, not extremely so because thats just annoying, but just a little. Blah.
We could probably go out again. I haven't talked to her a lot since, so maybe she thinks I have written her off or something. I don't know what to do about this. I'll probably just leave the whole situation alone until I head to Alaska. She is going to George Washington University for graduate school next year anyways. I don't know how all of you married mohos pull it off, seriously. Even with cool girls.

I'm going to drive to Alaska. The drive will be ridiculously long, but my buddy from work and I are going to make a roadtrip of it stopping to see things in Oregon and Washington and Canada. I am excited.

I have three races coming up this month, and I'm not ready for a one of them. I think I will just coast through them and not worry about it too much. I ran like three miles and was dead tired the other day. DEAD tired. What happened to my marathon running superpowers that I had just this last October? Gone.

I need to sell this computer. I think maybe I'll go for a computer-free summer in Alaska. I'm sure I can stop in at an internet cafe or something like that once in a while when I need to. It will be good for me though. really good for me. I need to write Greg on his mission.

I really want to grow out my hair right now, but also it looks ridiculous unless I put a bunch of crap in it or sleep on it a few times...and then it looks kinda crazy and cool, but I dunno if its worth it... I want some long Sawyer from Lost kinda hair, or I dunno...just long. To cut or not to cut? I might end up going to a barber sooner than I anticipated.

Catch ya later

FYI

Okay, so the trippy lesbian/gay Oprah show that I talked about once on my blog is on today, and will rebroadcast at midnight or 12:30 AM in Utah, just in case any of you are interested. This episode drove me nuts for a while.

I'll post something real later.