Sometimes I'm not sure which is better. There are those moments that feel like eternity, like when you get lost in somebody's eyes or touch... and then there are eternities that feel like far too many moments.
I watched Steel Magnolias with Brown Sugar a few weeks back. Shelby says "I would rather have thirty minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special." Wow.
I went to the wedding receptiong of two of the most beautiful people I know this weekend. Smurf knows them better than me, but man, you should have seen them dance. And all the pictures they had up were amazing and they had Pudding on the Rice served by my cousin and her fiancee. Anyways, the reception was really beautiful. I want that. Not that exactly, you know, but my own that.
There's this boy. This same beautiful boy with light eyes and curly brown hair. It'll never work between us, neither of us would let it. And he's completely reckless with my feelings and too cool for me and all of that. But man, when he's got me, he's got me. And I walk into it way too easy and sometimes he doesn't even have to ask and there's a lot of wishing and thinking about this imaginary dimension where we can live together and play with each other and have kids because man, he's so perfect even if he's not.
My best friend from high school, Tootsie Roll called me up this weekend too. I miss that kid and the whole bay area world where you're not attached to anything and you don't have to care unless you want to. You can tell all the nay-sayers to f**k off, wherever they're coming from, and when you do care about something maybe its deeper and stronger than ever. Like no matter what I do or Tootsie Roll does, we will always be those pals from grade school until whenever even if we don't talk as much as we do with other friends. Doesn't matter if I read my scriptures or not. Sometimes I think maybe he's one of the only real friends I've ever had.
I'm done with this. I think I'll just be up early this morning.