The value-pack post. Don't forget to cut-out and collect points.

In case any of you haven't read The Daily Universe lately, Calvin and Hobbes is being re-published in papers nationwide for a while in anticipation of a...get this...three volume hardcover set of every Calving and Hobbes comic strip ever created! I haven't been this excited since...I can't remember! I'm going to have to purchase this whether I can afford it or not.

Feelings. They have been so perplexing lately. I guess they always are. I'm the biggest emotional sap.

So naturally I went to Smith's last night. I walked by the sushi and noted how dang expensive it was. $4.99 for six little pieces of sushi! What a rip-off. And then a thought came to me...

"You could just steal it..."

WAIT JUST A DARN MINUTE! WHAT THE F***!? I literally stopped, twisted my head to an angle, squinted my eyes really hard, white-knuckled my shopping cart, and mouthed these words to myself. I'm sure someone must have seen that and rightfully thought I was nuts. Did I just think that? I NEVER think things like that, EVER.

Stealing is what my best friend Steven always used to do in high school. He was Blaxican, so he could pull it off real smooth if he wanted to...but I never had any part in that. (Though he did once leave a stolen book at my apartment, which I still have....hmm) I'm not a klepto and never have been. Satan is coming at me from a whole different angle, ladies and gentlemen. That was bizarre. Everybody had best watch their stuff from now on.

And now for a brief sidetrack entitled: The Top 3 Ways in Which Satan Generally Tempts Pinetree:

1) Anything in regards to homosexuality. This is pretty much constant.
2) Cussing like a sailor from time to time. I can't help it, its in my blood, and sometimes stuff can be pretty nerve-wracking...like playing Taboo.
3) Ignoring people, places, and responsibilities for the sake of being interested in something much less important.

...So I decided to buy and pay for the sushi like a good kid, despite the price, and then go on and eat the whole thing under a tree. This has actually become one of my favorite pastimes.

And that is my story about spiting the devil.

Apparently, I spontaneously combust. Someone is going to have to explain this to me sometime. Usually I can't think of anything to do or say at all...especially around cool people like those of you who read my blog.

I found some old journal writes that I did in English class from my senior year of high school. Basically the teacher gave us a prompt (questions, quotes, thoughts, etc) and we would have to respond every day. (Cry Me a River should remember these...) Here are a few of them.

1/12/04
"Life is worth living, since it is what we make of it." - WIlliam James
Man, I think this is the trickiest prompt yet. I do believe that life is what we make of it. I like to think we can do anything that we want to with our lives. But some people are just planted in bad circumstances to begin with. I go mad just dealing with my life, my issues, my family, my weaknesses, even when comparatively my life isn't so terrible. I live in America. I eat every day. Some people are given such crap that I just don't understand how they go on living. I'm sure that somewhere there's a 17 year old kid with all the problems I have in life, but on top of that he's starving and doesn't have access to an education and all sorts of other things just piled on top. There is someone out there with absolutely no reason not to be miserable. If I was this person, I'm not sure where my will to live would come from. And really none of it would be my fault, it would have to do with how and where I was born and my genetic make-up and all sorts of variables that aren't under my control. So in some circumstances, how does one make his life worth living? It would take an enormous deal of effort, if such things are possible. I admire people who find a strong will to live out of despicable circumstances. At the same time, I think there is probably some other 17 year old living in some Los Altos Hills gated community who thinks that his life is over because his girlfriend of two weeks has just dumped him. Would this person be able to handle my life? I don't know.

1/14/04
"Respect a man and he will do the more."
Definitely. I think people really aspire to the respect other people hold for them...or the lack thereof. Take Jessica Simpson for example. Jessica is a hot, typical blond sex symbol for America. People have little respect for her. Her parents probably treated her like a Barbie Doll; kids at her high school probably couldn't see past her knockers. She probably commands very little genuine respect (even if she does command a lot of attention) because she is so hot. She's an object. So how does she act on her cable TV show? She's a complete bimbo. All she knows how to do is pose for cameras and act flirtatious. She says cute little stupid things all the time. She lives up to the respect people hold for her. She probably isn't REALLY so incredibly dumb, she just literally puts on a show for everyone because she knows that is what they expect.
In contrast, I think that those who are given respect will live up to it, even if it seems like that couldn't possibly be so. I think that many times in my own life I was only motivated to do something because other people believed I could do it well.

1/15/04
Free Write
So the other day my little brother and I wanted a phat breakfast. Like IHOP style. So I whipped out all the ingredients and made pancakes from scratch. They turned out light and fluffy and golden brown. Just perfect. The we realized that we were out of syrup...only a minor setback we thought. We could just use a little jam. We then realized that we were out of both bacon and ham. So what did we resort to? Hot dogs. Yes, little tube-shaped chunks of processed beef and chicken meat. Then we realized that we were out of milk. Pandemonium. I had used the last of if to make the pancakes. The only really normal thing in our grand breakfast was eggs. Needless to say it was indeed a disappointing morning.

1/20/04
What is your most treasured memory?
This is difficult to answer. I have several memories that are all my most treasured; all equally valuable. They all feel the same. I think their common thread is just the love and happiness that was being felt at the time. The Grand Tetons is one of them, being there, sitting on the rocks in front of the lake with the majestic mountain in the background and me and some friends just feeling great and relaxed. Being in Salt Lake City at Temple Square on the lawn for testimony meeting with a bunch of people I've known my entire life, looking at the temple and the lights and the night sky and everyone being really happy. EFY, when everyone was in that concert hall at BYU and we were all singing, hundreds of kids singing, and everyone just loving each other unconditionally and all the girls in tears and the boys trying not to cry and everyone was glowing and it seemes like there were angels there singing with us and nothing could have made the moment wrong. Or having conversations with Wade or Ashley about people or the future or aspiring to be a zuchini farmer or our ideas and philosophies on everything. Or the stake play, dancing the waltz with Julia with the bright spotlights in our eyes and glittery costumes and our faces caked with make-up and knowing that everyone was in awe of us for that single moment. Or running down hills at Rancho San Antonio with the wind in my face feeling really fast and meditating, talking with God and just feeling so tired but so energized...man. I'm sure there are loads more. But really they're all the same. I wouldn't give up a one of them.

1/21/04
If you could ensure that your child has one experiencethat you have had yourself, what would you want it to be? Why?
There are loads. Again, I can't just pick one. But my kids will learn what they need to from life I think. They may not necessarily need to experience the same things that I needed to experience in my life. With a great dad like me though, I'm sure they will be exposed to many amazing things and places and tastes and sounds. I really look forward to being a dad, mostly because I will be able to give a child experience. I want to introduce the world to someone. I think it would be fantastic and that it is somehow part of my eternal being. My children will be an extension of me, and I an extenstion of them.

This is just a few of them, I will perhaps post more later. I've been noticing that my posts are rarely about just one thing. Sorry about that, my thoughts don't come individually wrapped. I mostly get them at Costco, rarely at Safeway.

Assasins

Assasins

This picture rocks.

New Frontiers

I’ve been neglecting my blog lately.

Where to begin....

The last couple of weeks have been great. So much has been going on. I’ll try to break it down for you.

The New Place

My new apartment is a humble little thing, but its in a great location and suffices nicely. People in the complex are really nice. The girl who works in the office has the biggest hair of any girl I’ve ever seen....and I’ve been in Utah for the last year, so I pretty much know big hair by now. My ward is fun, active, and outgoing, and I haven’t missed a single activity/church meeting/function yet. This is good.

My roommates are awesome; they are really fun, cool guys. And they are genuinely good people too. I’m hoping this will rub off on me some.

My room roommate's name is Ted. (Oh the irony....) This Ted is from a small town in northern North Dakota by the Canadian border. His graduating high school class was about thirty strong. They had to import prom dates from Canada. Ted served his mission in Samoa, and I think that must have been fitting because he’s sort of a big, laid back, island-type guy who knows what is important to stress about and what isn’t. Coincidentally, Ted has been hired to work at my brother in law’s company, so he’s basically part of my family now. His girlfriend is really sweet and bakes good things like banana bread and cookies (as any good domesticated Mormon girlfriend should...*wink*... Kidding! Kidding! ...especially if Eleka is still reading my blog... :/ ) which I am allowed to eat

I just realized that naming names on a blog as bold as mine probably isn't such a good idea, so my other two roommates will remain nameless. I will leave the first roommate's real name as it should be a bit of comic relief.

Roommate number two is on the BYU band and plays the trumpet. He is sort of quiet most of the time, but perfectly agreeable and nice to talk to. He’s also very neat and organized and owns a big electric griddle which will be fun to play with. Everyone needs to come over for breakfast sometime.

Roommate number three is a fairly attractive guy, so the ladies in our ward dig him I think, and he’s a good contribution to the collective coolness that is our apartment. Number three is on the folkdance team at the same level as JD, so I’ve met a few of their mutual friends already. Number three got me to try out for the folkdance team the other night...

The Folk Dance team

...and I made it! Actually this isn’t such a huge deal as most of the guys who tried out made the cut, but I’m excited about it. I went to my first folkdance class Friday, and we learned this wicked cool dance that you do in a circle with lots of shouting and turning and fun footwork. Tons of fun. We basically learn a bunch of ethnic group dances, like the kind of thing you see in the family get-together’s on My Big Fat Greek Wedding where everyone shouts “Opah!” Folkdance is a lot more casual and playful than other social dance at BYU and much less rigid. Although things like Waltz, Swing and Cha-Cha do have their appropriate times and places.

Oh! And one or two people couldn’t make the folkdance class, so there is an opening or two for guys on the team. I figured they would just call back some of the people from auditions, but apparently not. The teacher said to see if any of our friends wanted to come, so if you:

A) are male,
B) can walk straight and know your right foot from your left,
C) are able to take simple instructions, and
D) want to have loads of fun with a bunch of cool people on a BYU folkdance team,

talk to me and I may be able to get you in. It’s really not that hard and very worth it.

Another interesting aspect of the being on the Folkdance team is...

The Girl

Chick happens to be on the same team as I. Chick is a cute, fun, perky girl from my stake back in California. Chick has given me her number twice this year, and accompanied the digits with a smile and a quip about how we should go do something sometime. Now, I’m certainly not an expert in the field of female flirting (for reasons that should be obvious) but the Deutschlander agrees that this is probably a good indication that she’s interested in me.

And the weird thing is...I don’t mind that. Chick is a lot of fun, and I may even ask her out sometime. Now, I know what you’re thinking....Pinetree is gay. He’s 100% naturally grown-in-the Bay-Area-California-homosexual. But Chick is one of those extremely, EXTREMELY rare girls I wouldn’t mind trying to make things work with. I am not physically attracted to Chick (or any female really) in the slightest. In fact, I’m not sure if I am smitten with Chick, or just infatuated with the idea of going out with Chick.

A real wake up call came to me later last night when the UofU boy called wanting me to show up in Salt Lake. He thought it would be cool to see me again.... and as I hung up the phone, I melted. I didn’t go to Salt Lake, (mostly because I can’t) but whatever attraction there is to this guy, who I have only talked to a couple times, was a hundred thousand million times stronger than anything I’ve ever felt for a girl. I want to stress that this is the attraction alone, and not necessarily love. I think I have been in love with girls before, but not attracted to them really. This is a difficult concept to explain, but I think all the Family out there will understand what I mean. Anyhow, after the UofU boy called I tried to think of Chick again and it just wasn’t doing anything for me. I felt pretty lame for a while... until the Deutschlander picked me up and we went to Village Inn to eat our feelings like two adolescent fat girls. Mmm....feelings.

So I’d like some female opinions here.... What would you think if a gay guy was trying to pursue you? I mean, he may not do the best job at it as it just isn’t something that comes naturally for him, but he’d be making a real effort. And he would want things to work out, but wouldn’t be sure if they could or not. Oh yeah, and he wouldn’t be physically attracted to you in the slightest. Making out would be sort of a chore, like cleaning your room. Sounds magical eh? Yeah...

Never the less, I stand commited to doing what I know is right. Or at least what I believe is right. With or without a female.

And honestly, the last little while has been quite guilt free and very peaceful and happy. There’s this vitality that has returned to life lately. I mean, I haven’t felt ...hmm, whats the word here...euphoric? at all. There’s this feeling I would get while dancing at a club or something that was just ...being on air....rapture, jubilant, fun, attractive. I’m never going to deny the fact that going clubbing is extremely fun for me...and I probably shouldn’t even promise that I’ll never do it again ...but I know what is right and I’ll try to live life minute by minute, making each moment a little bit better than the last. It’s definitely not always fun, and sometimes it simply comes down to pure discipline; fighting the little things in my brain until my head aches. Reading my scriptures regularly has helped a lot. Its an interesting phenomenon. It all seems very tedious, but I can face myself when I look in the mirror in the morning, and I haven’t been hurt or ashamed. I think this is much more healthy than the alternative, but that’s just me.

Some might be able to take my words and decide that I’m wrong, or tell me how I’m not living because I don’t know the depth of their pain and the height of their bliss. And who knows? Maybe their argument is valid. But it only seems so some of the time.

My mom always said the devil was nine truths and a lie.

My grandpa would always say that a man standing on a toilet was high on pot. And that a fat woman riding a bicycle was pedaling ass all over town. Grandpa was a wise man.

The Paper

I have an interesting assignment for one of my classes. I’m supposed to write a personal statement; a paper that describes my character and what has shaped it. I think I’m going to have to make a lot of it up, for the sake of my TA's sanity.

I’ll quit writing now. My blogs make less sense the more I write. I’ve discussed the focus issue before right?

I’d just like you all to know that I’m still alive and doing pretty well.

I’ll leave you with a quote I left on another’s blog recently. I’d like to post it here too. It had an impact on me.

“Do not be deceived, Wormwood. Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy's will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys."

from C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters. Read the book. It's good.

Lately

I've been hanging out at my older sister's place lately, getting to babysit nieces and ride to the bookstore with my other sister to work crazy crazy Education Week. It has been good times. Between the bookstore and catering, I worked almost 40 hours by Wedenesday, so both jobs told me thursday morning that I wasn't allowed to anything more as BYU rules don't permit any student to work overtime. Something about their "status as a private university". It didn't bother me to leave, though I could have used the extra hours. More hide-and-go-seek, ice cream, and Dora the Explorer for me. Did you know that "lobos" is Spanish for wolves? I didn't.

Wiggle, we really should start that pre-school. And Given, you really should design it with Deanne and set up your interior design business next door. AND THEN you two could design JD's nightclub, which naturally would be next to our two facilities. Unlce Ring Bearer could come and say hi to the kids in our pre-school and pay them money to do things for him, and Uncle Smurf could entertain them with impressions of David Bowie's "Dance, Magic Dance" from the hit film "Labyrinth" after they had beginning lessons in German (they actually taught us how to count and say things in German at my pre-school in Santa Clara as I recall) from the Deutschlander. Ah, what times that would make for eh? We should all just pitch in for a giant strip mall, or section of downtown. If you're reading this, you're invited to come start a business there. What could you do with your space? Hehe.

Silliness sustains me.

Career Options high on my list of consideration today (though they change quite regularly):

A) Pre-school/Kindergarten teacher (As Wiggle reports, "All you have to know is your colors, numbers, and shapes and you get paid for it!" I would love that...)
B) President of the United States and/or senator (possibly Rep. in the House,maybe even some other sort of politician, we'll see)
C) Zuchini Farmer (such a versatile vegetable...)
D) Next great red-headed film star in Hollywood (after the military stint of course)

Speaking of film, wow...I don't know if this UofU guy can be invited anywhere anymore, even just out of niceness and courtesy. I hate that. I really can't afford to like him though. Or anyone for that matter. *Arrrghaaablarghab. Grumble.* But man, he's cool... And being a jerk sucks.

I'm going to try to be more serious now. I'm trying to work on my focusing. Sometimes I come of as totally retarded instead of just mildy so, simply because my mind won't stay on one track of thought for more than 30 seconds without this incredibly strenuous effort.

For instance, there was this woman in the bookstore today who asked me a question. I had no idea what she had asked because despite the fact that I was looking her straight in the eye, seemingly as attentive as can be, I wasn't listening to a word she said. I was thinking about something completely different...which I can't remember for the life of me right now. When she stopped saying words, I awakened from my innattentiveness and all I could think to say was "My, you have beautiful eyes M'am," even though I didn't.

Luckily, my coworker who was sitting next to me the whole time caught the rebound and answered her question. She wanted to know about children's hats I think...or little kid cheerleader outfits...or hmm. I really don't know. But that's the point, you see. No focus.

And as I can't think of anything more to say on that topic, I shall move on. The serious thing isn't working. And neither is the focus. A serious, more focused post will have to come later.

Another lady from St. George, Utah came to my register and bought "How to Win Friends and Influence People for Teen Girls." She was getting it for her daughter. How horrible is that? Are things really supposed to work like that? Hell, what do I know about it. Maybe I should give it a read. But holy crap, that's so...counterfeit? dubious? wrong?. I would hate for MY teen sister to have some girl come along who was learning how to be her friend from a book about manipulating people. I really can't stomach that. And yet, I sense that to many people, in fact many of the most skilled people at making friends and influencing people, see it as this sort of desperate game with tactics and rules and cunning involved. Like, "this friend counts for this many points" and "that friend for that many points" and whoever has the least points is a square. This makes me feel ill-at-ease...and slightly square.

I move into my new apartment Monday. I'm thrilled to be doing so. Change is a healthy constant. I am going to start fresh with some things and be better, kinder, smarter, harder-working. And I'm going to try to be more involved in church even when it's painful. Mark my words.

Something about having to stay in Provo and go to BYU makes my insides itch though. I really think it's time for a move, or at least an extended vacation. Something inside me wants to go away, and I'm not even sure it's bad. Hopefully just moving within Provo will be enough.

Time to go to bed now. Its late and the mind wanders to places where words do not easily follow. Goodnight.

Hello.

Recent fortune cookies:

"You will enjoy a trip to Asia"

"A friend's advice is invaluable"

"Lavish spending may be disastrous. Be careful" (Don't I know it)

In other news:

I purchased a pair of CTR boxers a while back. I think them a fitting place for an extra special "Choose the Right" reminder :)

I officially filed for FAFSA.

I'm moving out of my place tomorrow. This is very liberating for me. Its going to be a whole new semester in a couple of weeks. I have mixed feelings. More on the new frontiers later...

I sure do miss California, and won't be able to make it out there until ...who knows when. Every time I have a break people want me to work and I can't afford not to.

Apparently you can no longer register for the St. George Marathon...arrrgh...

Friday night was a TON of fun despite the fact that technically it shouldn't have happened.

Where in the heck is Smurf??? He was supposed to be back saturday...I hope he wasn't eaten by a toaster or anything...

Thats all for now. Something more in-depth later.

The matter.

What’s the matter mary jane, you had a hard day?
As you place the don’t disturb sign on the door
You lost your place in line again, what a pity
You never seem to want to dance anymore

It’s a long way down
On this roller coaster
The last chance streetcar
Went off the track
And you’re on it

I hear you’re counting sheep again mary jane
What’s the point of trying’ to dream anymore?
I hear you’re losing weight again mary jane
Do you ever wonder who you’re losing it for?

Well it’s full speed baby
In the wrong direction
There’s a few more bruises
If that’s the way
You insist on heading

Please be honest mary jane
Are you happy
Please don’t censor your trears

You’re the sweet crusader
And you’re on your way
You’re the last great innocent
And that’s why I love you

So take this moment mary jane and be selfish
Worry not about the cars that go by
All that matters mary jane is your freedom
Keep warm my dear, keep dry

Tell me
Tell me
What’s the matter mary jane

- Alanis Morrisette

Home?

Where I grew up. I miss it.

Where I go to school. A very different place, but I like it well enough.

Saturday

This week has been so great. I have a few exceptional friends here in Provo, the kind of people you can call up and rely on to do anything at anytime. For Instance: If the Ring Bearer wants Cheese fries at Denny's at 12:01 AM on Monday morning, we all go eat cheese fries. If Pinetree and the Deutschlander* want to go camping beginning at 10:00 PM on Thursday just so we can build a fire and roast hot dogs and marshmallows and go watch the stars, we go camping. If Wiggle and Given want to watch a movie (Moulin Rouge the other night, which I had not seen and have to say is really cool) at her place, then by golly we go watch a movie...and so much more! I love that none of these people have to check their "cool" meter before they can go hang out with whoever, its so great. I need to know more people like this. If we can do it, we will.

Today was great too, so I'll tell you about it even though it's not nearly as nice to read or write about.

I woke up around 11:00 AM today on account of I was up until around 4 AM the night before. I mosied on down to Smiths to buy some groceries. I noticed the highly overpriced sushi and couldn't help but pick some up. Sushi and avocados are the two luxuries I afford myself at the grocery store here in Utah. But no avocados today, just sushi.

I go outside and sit down under a big shady tree to eat my sushi and watch the cars and people go by and this totally random guy (have i mentioned how much I love totally random strangers who talk and/or dance with me?) comes out of nowhere and carries on this conversation with me about my red hair and how its great and how he has all these family members with red hair and what percentage of people in the world he thinks have red hair, and how we of the pastier red-haired variety get sunburned so much easier when summer rolls along and yadayadayada... and I'm smiling and nodding and being polite and eating sushi under a tree and its just bliss.

Given is here now, back from Alabama, so he called me up soon after I had walked home and we hung out today. He's going on his mission to Brazil in October. I'm so proud of the guy.
We sat on the cement outside Wiggle's house this afternoon talking about deeper matters until Wiggle's roommate came out to try to join the conversation and sit next to us. Ergo, we had to stop abruptly to make room for idle chit-chat. I don't think everything we had to say was said, in fact I'm sure we could have gone on quite a while longer, but Given, if you're reading this, I think you'll do all right. You're a genuinely good guy and you'll make a great missionary and a fantastic high school art teacher.

So after the chit-chat outside, we went inside to eat ice cream and wait for the Deutschlander and his roommate and other friend to show up so we could go hiking. Roommate and said friend arrive and the friend looks incredibly familiar though I cannot tell where I know him from.

We drive up the canyon listening to some awesome techno beats (Deutschlander has some great Blümchen music) and go hike up by Sundance to this giant waterfall and everything was green and gorgeous and then we went higher (err..some of us did) up this really steep, rocky slant (that we probably shouldn't have pursued) only to have an adrenaline-pumping, slightly terrifying hike/climb/avalanche-style-slide back down. I have several cuts and scrapes to show for it. :)

What a great trip...

So we drive back down to Provo and eat at Mimi's Cafe, where Given fills us in one some details of southern culture and is highly impressed by the waitress who knows the difference between Okra and File (don't ask). It was all grand, but in the back of my mind I keep wondering where I know this friend of the Deutschlander's from. So on the car ride back we name off people we know, events we have attended, organizations we have belonged to, etc, and finally realize we talked to each other once before at a mutual friend's birthday party earlier in the year. ....This was slightly satisfying, but I swear I know him from somewhere else...I've seen him elsewhere, and more recently, I'm nearly positive... but I can't put my finger on it...I have to say the feelings aren't necessarily good either and they irk me just a little bit...Never the less, I like a nice guy and we had a fun time.

After dinner it was back to Deutschlander's place to watch Frequency, and then home by around 1:30 in the morning. I love it.

So off I go to bed, rather content.

Goodnight and a Happy Sunday to you all.

*(I am taking the liberty of making an alias for this person as he is a really nice, cool guy and does not have a blog. I am fairly confident he will come up more in the future. Smurf will be consulted at a later time and the name may be subject to change)

A trip to Colorado

I will try to get a few more pictures of this trip up later. There are some classics in my stash, including but not limited to: "Pinetree sticks his head through an odd rock," "Veronica changes the oil...UNCENSORED!" "Wiggle comes down the waterslide shoot," and "The Smurf works a downtown Denver street!"

A few photo highlights of the summer

Cake - Stickshifts and Safety Belts

In case you didn't know... (read closely, click to see bigger)

I'm damned at least thrice. How many reasons can you find for the far right evangelicals to condemn you to a fiery hell? I have to say I was proud that none of these people were Mormons.

A few photo highlights of the summer

Beatles - Come Together, Anything by Ani Difranco

Rodeo Smurf

Maggie: "And out of shoot number one comes Smurf!!"

A few photo highlights of the summer

Willie Nelson - Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Cowboys

Facials at Martha's

Hehe. I'm gonna be in so much trouble for this...

A few photo highlights of the summer

O-Zone - Numa Numa

Cutest Nieces EVER. Hands down.

A few photo highlights of the summer

Weezer - Hold Me

Cabin at Panguitch Lake

A few photo highlights of the summer

Barenaked Ladies - If I had a Million Dollars

A Family Reunion at Panguitch

Some damn-ass-hell fine quality people....And this is really only a few of them. On the Fourth of July we flew the Irish flag on a pole by the cabin next to the American one.

A few photo highlights of the summer

Irish Rovers - When Irish Eyes Are Smiling

Provo Wakes Up: Solo Hiking above the Y. 4 or 5 AM.

A few photo highlights of the summer

Chieftans - Mo Ghile Mear

Writing.

Be an outcast, see the world.

"Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence. True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation."
George Washington

Let’s face it, I’m sort of retarded when it comes to this principle. But I’m learning slowly...

So, there’s this idea that’s been tickling my fancy lately.

As soon as I get enough money, I could move, transfer universities or something...
I could get in little bit more education, get a job, make only casual acquaintances. Then before anyone gets too close...before I become vulnerable, before I fall in love, before anyone can make me feel stupid or ugly or dull, I will pack my bags in an instant and RUN.

Perhaps to another country? A language barrier might be just what I need.

I could go around doing good things unnoticed. Being kind to people in ways that would never call for attachment or recognition. That’s the best sort of kindness anyways. It lets people believe in angels and miracles. I imagine this is something like what the three Nephites must do... Perhaps they were gay too hmm?

Other than flying back to my family for Christmas and a few special occasions, I think that no one would ever know where I was.

If I can’t be in a relationship and have children, this seems like the next best thing.

Some things about my job and such.

I love my jobs. Even when they suck, I love them.
BYU catering is my favorite though. The other night we served dinner in the Skyroom for a party celebrating a 50th wedding anniversary. 50 years! Thats a litte more than two and a half of my lifetimes just in marriage! I admire that in the deepest most sincere sort of way....and also wonder about it...but I’m not going to get into that. It was great. The people were really nice and it was a pleasure to keep their punch and water glasses full.
At around 7 o’clock they had some program and the four of us working the event went into the kitchen in back to eat (great food is another perk of the job, I eat like a maniac whenever I work). One of the guys left early and so it was just the three of us back in the kitchen talking and eating while this program went on.
I have to say that one of the main reasons I like work is because I’m around all these people who I know, but dont KNOW. I’m familiar with all of these great guys and gals, but don’t know any secrets or personal information, and likewise they know only very surface level stuff about me. In this sort of situation I can be the cool guy. I can laugh and be witty and popular and flirt with the girls and just be all-around pleasant to everyone. I can speak candidly (still tactfully, but candidly) and do things like be a ghetto rock star while polishing silverware. Frankly, I’m not emotionally connected enough to the people (nor do I wish to be) to worry about what they think about me. I revel in this sort of atmosphere, when life is a series of fleeting moments that have no bearing on my future or what I think of myself.
In stark contrast, when I’m with people I really do care about or want to care about, I’m shy, paralyzed, crippled...and being social and extroverted is this difficult chore that makes me tired and frustrated. It always comes out wrong as well. Its cruel how things work out that way sometimes.
So anyhow, not to be a downer, I’m talking with these two guys Branden and Nathan as we stuff our faces with pasta and turkey and dinner rolls and fruit salad and the topic rolls around to missions. So I fall quiet as I generally do when this part of the conversation rolls around and I shovel more pasta into my mouth.
Nathan served in Argentina and Branden served in Puerto Rico. They ask me where I served and I tell them I haven’t and they ask me when I’m putting in my papers and I tell them I don’t think it’s going to happen and sit there expecting the regular awkwardness which generally follows that response.....but extraordinarily, Nathan apologized and said he shouldnt have assumed that I had gone or was going and Branden is the son of a mission president and told me about how he loved his mission but hated the stigma that followed those who never served or who were sent home early. And that was that... and we talked about all sorts of other things and these guys were really cool and nice to me and everything was fine. It was such a great feeling to not be looked down upon or lectured about how important missions are and why I should serve one (generally people just assume that I’m not going because I don’t want to or because I’m lazy or some crap like that). The fact that I have these good acquaintances at BYU catering makes me want to ditch the bookstore and stay with catering full time. The ladies that I work for at the bookstore still assume that I’m saving up for my mission simply because I’m 18 and despite the fact that I’m going to be here next semester and that I have never told them I’m going on a mission...It puts a very uncomfortable damper on things.
However, the bookstore is great work as well. Last night we ran the Harry Potter Party from 11 PM until 2 in the morning. I saw a bunch of friends and people from my classes and got to talk to them. My mom came dressed to the nines in wizard gear including a sparkly blue cape...I was so proud of her...my mom is so cool these days... My older sister (also works at the bookstore) was getting into the whole atmosphere and was wearing a Griffindor scarf. My little sister won a prize for her costume and got a free copy of the sixth book (most likely my birthday present next week as she is fourteen, flat broke and had her copy ordered far, far in advance)
Today I worked the Young Readers book symposium at the Provo Library which is basically a bunch of children’s book authors who speak to a bunch of librarians and elementary school teachers (I like this sort of people...kind of like English major people but not quite as stuffy and never snobby or overly intellectual) and sell books. So I sat there and read childrens books and Till We Have Faces and chatted it up with all kinds of little old ladies and fun spunky school teachers. I swear I learn more things that way than I do trying to get a college education.... There was this lady Diane there who was a freaking riot to listen to...man oh man...
After that was over I came home and crashed because I was dead tired and then went to Smiths and bought ice cream and hot fudge sauce to put on chocolate cake and rented some interesting looking DVD’s. I wasn’t hanging out with anyone (and while I wanted to, I wasn’t really sure if I did for reasons mentioned above, so I was content by myself) and I felt like I do sometimes when I do stuff like this on my own....like one of those people with lots of cats....except I don’t have lots of cats. I like it anyhow, it’s great fun.... And dancing around my room is way better when no one is looking.
I think I’m going to join the military?
Gorillas.

Later
- Pinetree.

Interesting.

In very Lizesque style, Liz showed me this blog the other day. Think what you will.
Postcard Secrets.